- Anti Joke

Whats something really annoying? A guy who presses enter too much. hehe

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

why did matt daly want to go to prison? to be fondled

Q~ What did the black man say to the priate when he pulled out a AK47? A~ "This is a gun. im going to kill you with it."

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was in a van headed to the slaughterhouse.

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

hey im leon and i love the chuckie

What does a black man do in the bathroom? He Dookies on bobby

My grandma once told me " never trust the blacks"

Its Erron, listen, we got to talk, I do not mind your pictures, but I am not going to call you because of that weird spot on your face, its just 101 basics here, I suggest you shut down the access to this site to the rest of your employees, this might get very personal.

Roses are red, violets are blue, purple is a color, I like grilled cheese

Why are asians so good at maths? Because their culture exercises a hard work ethic in order for many of them to achieve high ranking jobs in order to support their families

How many athiests does it take to change a light bulb? One.

what did the dead man say to the other dead man ...nothing he's dead.

Why are all of the cars in the left lane? Because you are in Winona MN.

What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

What does little Tommy and a tomato have in common? They are both vegetables. Oh wait, a tomato is a fruit.

Why didnt little jimmy have a funeral? Because he is still at the bottom of the lake where I put him.

"Wow, that was so funny i fell off my dinosaur!" Dinosaurs went extinct in the late Cretaceous period, about 65 million years ago. Commonly believed by scientists across the world to have been caused by an ancient meteor that crashed in the current day Yucatán peninsula in Mexico. Also, even if you were around during the Cretaceous period, i assure you that no dinosaur would let you climb on top of it, let alone ride it while you're not highly terrified because of the sheer danger of the experience. Now unless you are 65 million years old, I highly doubt you laughed so hard that you fell off the dinosaur that you supposedly own.

What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Hatch! Hatchoo! Bless you!

Why did Dave stop going to the laundromat? Because he was a suicide bomber.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple ? Finding an apple in your worm !!! ... Wait, what ?

Q. What happened to the kid with 1 arm and 1 leg and 1 arm and 1 leg A. He had a seisure, then got hit by a bus

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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