- Anti Joke

What do you call an African-American picking cotton and harvesting wheat. A farmer.

Q: How do turn water into wine. A: You don't.

Why was the giant scorpion sad? Because the Holocaust killed his entire family.

Knock Knock CUM IN!

How do you starve a black man?.........take away his food!!

Teddy- Last Thursday, A nice man named teddy was laid off at his local police department. Teddy was depressed, and mad at himself for his own failure. Teddy went to the library and found a book on Suicide. The librarian asked if he had his library card. He said yes, and presented it. The librarian scanned the card and checked out his book. Teddy went to his home and read a few chapters in his book, he found it useful. He then traveled to a firearms store and purchased a handgun. The clerk said that there was a sale on 40 count packages of the bullets he was buying. He said no thank you; I will only need one bullet. Teddy paid and went on his way home to find some peace. He did not find it………………… Because there was an annoying mocking bird outside his window. Teddy knew of this, and used his new weapon to shoot the bird. He only needed the one bullet because he was an ex-police officer, and had good aim. Teddy then used his new found knowledge on the topic of suicide, and wrote a remarkably well written article for a magazine he had interviewed for. Teddy knew that the prompt (suicide in the United States today) was very challenging, and he was compelled to hear how well he had done. The article landed him a new job as a writer for the magazine. On Friday, Teddy started his new job, and was delighted to learn that his new office was complete with a window that over looked the whole town. What a view, he remarked. He then threw himself out the eight story window, and landed on a homeless blind man. The homeless blind man had a coat full of newspapers to keep him warm in the winter time. And the padding suppressed the lethality of Teddy’s fall. He remarked how ironic it was that the homeless person‘s warm coat would never keep him warm again. Teddy laughed, and continued on with his fulfilling day until the police arrested him at 5:13 in the afternoon. He was a dashingly handsome toaster that supplied the town with lots of warm bread. So the police released him. And teddy and the Hooker lived happily ever after. Saturday, Teddy’s relationship with the hooker began falling apart. He was drinking now, and every now and then he came home a little too drunk. He beat and raped her………….. And nine months later they had a beautiful baby boy named Sam. They nurtured Sam till the ripe old age of 16. (Unfortunately, nurture for Teddy meant more rape and beating) For Sam’s 16th birthday, he was lead to the basement for a surprise party, where he was tripped into a wood chipper and ground into a fine pulp. Teddy added a blend of chili powder and sour cream. The hooker suggested that he should add some pickled jalapeño juice, but Teddy argued that it would be too spicy and ruin the chili. But the banana commented that he could add extra sour cream if the spice was to over whelming. Teddy trusted bananas, and added the pickled jalapeño juice. He then entered the chili in the local chili bowl competition and won second place. He was once again disappointed in his work, and went on a rampage killing all the bananas that ever betrayed him. Despite his good looks and practical use, Teddy had to face the continuances of his actions. He was discharged from his position at the local police department. Sunday, Damn, thought Teddy, the library’s closed on Sunday. The End

Bob: Hey, hey Jim Jim: Yeah? Bob: Remember me. Jim: ...okay?? Bob: Knock knock Jim: Who's there? Bob: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA FRICKIN REMEMBER ME!!!

Who is the fattest mexican on the earth? Not Osama because he's dead...and he wasn't mexican..

"Smithers, I'm home!" "What, already?" "Yes."

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? One, its not a difficult task.

Whats eight feet tall, purple, smooth, delicious, uses proper grammar, and likes dolphins. I don't know.

what do jason kidd and michael jackson have in common? they are both actually black

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: "Where's my tractor?"

What do you get when do you put a baby in a blender? A life sentence.

Why was the girl crying? Because I raped her

Why did the idiot take a selfie with his phone underwater? Because he's an idiot

Q: why can't women drive? A: because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom

What do astronauts and Wayne Rooney have in common? I don't know. Ok.

What did the hobo get for Christmas? hypothermia.

Q: If it takes a chicken a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, then how long would it take a monkey to kick the seeds off of a dill pickle. A: I don't know. That's a stupid question.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up here me shout: Absolutely nothing because I'm a teapot you maniacal psychopath.

why did the chicken cross the road cause i fucked your mom

What did the Rabbi say to the priest? The holocaust was real and it tore apart my family.

Why did Tiarnan not ride is bike to school today. Tiarnan's dead.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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