- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

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What did the little girl who's parents died in a car accident get you her birthday? Foster Parents

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A duck walks into a bar, but he is kicked out because he is not 21

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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Once upon a time, there was a ghost. The ghost was sneaking up on a little girl when she turned around and asked the ghost "Are you a stalker or something?" The ghost, unable to reply (being a ghost) was then kicked in the shins. The End!

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? She didn't. Despite losing her arms in a terrible accident as a child, Suzy persevered to become a renowned gymnast. After several turns as a champion Special Olympian, Suzy retired from sports in order to tour elementary schools as a guest speaker. She inspired thousands of disabled children across North America and was a highly-respected orator. Suzy sadly passed away in 2009 at the age of 62. She is survived by her two lovely daughters, Karen and Michelle.

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I can be considerate if like someone is burning to death and I was the one considerate enough to lit them on fire... Wait no, I am considerate towards my friends (which are all ladies, all men besides me are obstacles and nothing else) AAAAND my logic processor broke down. Anyway, please do me the honors, take the last message.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen and warns him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and otherwise damaging consequences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? It doesn't really matter but I wouldn't actually call anything because they have very sensitive hearing and will probably panic and, being blind, might collide with a tree.

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If you have read this its to late. You have already read this. Im am very sorry.

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My name is Matt and I am homosexual. Just kidding. My names Rick.

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Three Greeks and Three Turks are traveling by train to a conference. Both racial groups arrive safely to their destination.

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So a man walks into a bar, asks for a beer, then drinks it. He then goes home expecting to have dinner with his wife and 2 kids. His wife smells his breath before that and asks him what happens. The men opens to his true and only love and tells her he's having a bad time at work. So they share a hug and talk about it. The man is then renewed, starts pulling up at his job and gets a promotion to general supervisor. He lives happily and watches his kids grow and become professionals. He then dies of a heart attack at the advanced age of 89 while he was watching his favorite TV show.

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Is Charlie Sheen bi-polar? Yes.

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A Jew,Spiderman and The Incredible Hulk all jump off the top of the Empire State Building,who hits the ground first? The Jew because the other two dont exist

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Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7? A: He wasn't, it turns out 7 was afraid of 6 because 6 beat 7 up in high school

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what did the blind man get for christmas? Cancer.....

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Why did Steven Hawking walk into a bar? He didn't he can't walk

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Why did the maid clean the house? Because that's her job, ya moron.

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why did the baby cross the road i tied it to the back of a car

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What did the runner say after he ran 10 miles? I just ran 10 miles.

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A retarded man walks into a bar and everyone was polite about his disability.

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What you you call peanut butter on the top of a dog house Peanut butter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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