Q. How do you drowned a blond A. Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool

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I'm at a payphone. Though I'm out of change so I'm unable to call my girlfriend and break up with her.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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What did the teapot say to the teacup? Nothing. Teapots and teacups are inanimate objects, therefore, cannot speak.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died.

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Q: What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? A: Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Q: So what's worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? A: The punchline of this joke,

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Why is the black guy afraid of the white guy? He's not, it's the other way around.

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Beka has AIDS

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew. The pizza doesn't scream in the fire

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What do accountants do when they're constipated? Take a laxative and eat plenty of fiber.

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What do you get if you cross a centipede with a millipede? I don't know but it sure has a lot of legs

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A: Knock, knock. B: Who's there? The writer of this joke had no idea how to end this.

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what's black, white, and red all over? A nun in a blender

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What did the pony say when it lost its voice? Nothing. Ponies are incapable of speech.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

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What makes Amish bread different than regular bread? It's made by Amish people

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What is your bill about? Clinton

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What has four wheels and flies? A pile of poop that's on four wheels.

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what's bloody and sweet? A squashed mosquito sprinkled with sugar.

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Why was little georgia afraid of the tea cup ? Because she was tripping over the holocaust.

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A man walks into a bar but didn't say anything because he is mute.

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A Jew, a Russian, and a Turk walk into a bar. The Jew asks, "Can I get a glass of Manischewitz?" The bartender serves him. The Russian asks, "Can I get a shot of vodka?" The bartender serves him. The Turk then asks, "Can I get a Turkish coffee?" The bartender looks at him, confused, and says, "Sorry, but this is a bar. Unfortunately we don't serve coffee."

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What's brown and sticky? Anal

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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