A man walks into a bar with a monkey..I forget the rest but your mother is a whore.

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How's the weather? Good.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a grizzly bear in your apple

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Joe: Will you remember me tomorrow? Mack: Yes Joe: Will you remember me next week? Mack: Yes Joe: Will you remember me next month? Mack: Yes Joe: Will you remember me next year? Mack: Yes Joe: Knock knock Mack: Who's there? Joe: See you forgot me already! Mack: No I didn't Joe, I thought you were going to tell me a knock knock joke. :/

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why was the white girl not wanting to have a baby with her boyfriend he was black

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Knock knock. USE THE DOORBELL!

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What did the Muslim do when he got on the bus? He realized he was in the wrong place and got on a plane and blew it up.

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What do you call someone who's father is black (born in Kenya), mother is white (born in Canada), and was himself born in Australia? Someone with tri-citizenship

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A group of Germans eagerly await the FIFA football rankings. England is fourth.

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Why did the pied piper eat tea half past three? Because the chicken tripped on the way across the street and the fat lady didn't sing.

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Q:what did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? other person: What? A:how am i suppose to know I'm not a lawyer.

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What happened to the boy who survived a tragic car accident?? He stepped out of the car and got hit by a semi.

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Why did the man slowly cross the road? He had a prosthetic leg.

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Why did the man visit 4chan? He heard about it from a coworker and was curious about what it was.

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My therapist says that I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that!

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Did nims chinnie? Fins.

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so....a guy is sitting on the couch looking out his living room window and a cab pulls up and honks..he says to himself, "wow that was quick, i just called for the cab 5 minutes ago!"

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What's green and has wheels? A green car.

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A man walks into a bar. He was the barman. [L]

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Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Kncok Whose there? Not Sally

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What is the difference between a person of Mexican heritage and a park bench? One is a bench, the other is a human being.

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What does the redhead miss most at a party? Her father. He was in a car accident when she was young.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im not going out with someone that belongs in a zoo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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