What did one traffic light say to the other? Nothing, as traffic lights are incapable of thought as they are not living.

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Why did my ex-husband get fired from the m&m factory? He was throwing away all the W's.

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Hey, have you heard the one about the elf and the watermelon? Neither have I.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the mountains? A: Bear food.

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a dumb blond walks into a hair salon and gets her hair died brown... she is now a dumb brunette

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what is big and white? Your Mom

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

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A man and his young child walk into a clinic to get physical check-up. The man learns from the physicist he doesn't mater. His wife remarries and start having frequent sex and the child is scarred for life. This is irrelevant because both parents don't exist and this is all a constant delusion in an psychiatric hospital.

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whats sad about 4 black people in a cadalic fallign over a cliff? it wasnt there car

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why is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the same as a tub of fish? they are both food

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Do't you just hate when a sentence doesn't end how you think it will and it just octopus.

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Why was the Mexican man in the rich man's garden? Because he enjoys flowers.

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http://www.pollsb.com/photos/o/355988-gay_marriage.jpg

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A woman went outside for some fresh air.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? The fact that you actually took time to read this cynically hypnotizing answer that you cannot seem to stop reading even though you know that this sentence is just a clever run to show the epitomy of the anti joke. ha-ha.

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whats long, fat, and people love it in their mouth? blunts.

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What is the difference between Madeleine McCan and a toaster? A toaster wasn't raped and murdered.

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whats the worst kind of homework? child abuse

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Two black males walk into the bar due to circumstances, one of them has to leave early to tend to his ill wife, and the other enjoys his night drinking and making small talk with new friends PS: the one above was wrong sorry :(

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bacon

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What do you call a black woman in a pool? Drowning.

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I wear my sunglasses at night. I'm always getting into car accidents.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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