- Anti Joke

How does camon Die? He kills himself because he didnt make it into the marine corps

Q:Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Conrad Barry

You trying to be funny kid? This is a matter of security to the national degree, point zero has been compromised, unless you bring out one of these soon, I am myself going to drag your ass into prison.

too bad about that wild ball, you otherwise played a fantastic softball game

A penguin is walking through the snow, and comes across a polar bear with a hat on. He stops and stares at the polar bear for a second and then compliments the polar bear on his hat. The polar bear smiles and promptly consumes the penguin, building up a fat layer for the coming Winter.

How did john walk on the sun? We don't know, he probably burned to death before getting close.

Comments my ladyfriends are totally not daring me to type here yawn My penis is small. Nero`s penis not active and retractable. My penis is only 19 cm. Nero wishes it was "only" that big, fuck I got more self irony than these got guts! "Nero is hung like a horse" Nero has not, nor will ever try to compare, but fuck, proportionally its impossible huh? "Nero is underrating himself" Pff, A God is always a God. "Nero is an insane Narcissist" Two of the ones Nero regularly bangs dared him say that, if that's my name, I love this game. "Nero has a bent dick" What? I do not, some people do, is that good or bad? Nero could not care for the opinions of others but you right... Fuck nevermind. "Can we stop quoting my dick, seriously?" What I just said out loud. "Nero is an animal rapist" Nero believes that the newcomer that first dared me to say "His dick is "ONLY" 19 cm" is being a bit passive agressive, just a tiiiny bit, now lets go with child molester and pictures or something huh? SIgh... "Nero has balls of steel" Now, we are really on the same wavelength. "Nero would never do this on youtube" I regularily do and will stop now just to show off. "Nero knows no fear" I FEAR tht you might be wrong, but I FEAR you might also be right "Nero adds the comments under because he gets insecure" No, but if you keep adding all with "Nero" as in third person instead of I, it wont quite add up will it? "Nero nearly always refers to himself in third person" Nero concurs "Nero has bitemarks on his penis" The shame! Oh no! XD because men really dont like to show off their scars lol XD, my dick has been sucked by thousands the shame XD "Nero is not brave but borderline insane" Ouch... Seriously it takes balls to be borderline insane, and I am completely and total insane, I could sit down and yell this at a karaoke bar you know... Why not? "Nero has feelings" This is my own, fuck I am brave, even brave enough to admit I dislike this being questioned. "Nero is afraid of hights" "Nero admits that jumping from a 120 store skyscraper left him sleepless for two weeks or something insane, I happen to do much of my work at that same floor so OBJECTION DISHONORED!" "Nero is not a sex God" Nero is confused, Nero gets told that all the time in bed. "Nero gets lied to in bed" Thats just mean, what does that have with admitting stuff. "Its settled, Nero is fucking bad ass" I know and I keep telling you, now you realize? "Girl S, girl B, and girl T and K do not enjoy having their first letter in their names mentioned" Nero gives zero fucks. "Nero is getting blueballs" True, oh no, my sex drive is excellent. "Nero got beaten by a bitch" You just asked me to quote you s a bitch, okay I typed that and you girls noticed that but did you notice that I apologized for using that word? No? Well good luck finding it now! But hey, I am sorry I did not mean it, I was just getting VERY TIRED FROM EXTREMELY HARD SEX So is it forgiven? "Nero is forgiven" Sincerely, that is the weirdest most akward thing Nero has been dares to post so far, Nero does not believe in forgiveness but in taking responsability. "Seriously BITCHES! Give me something challenging!" Nero deals fair and justly to the deserving "Nero`s typing sucks in english" GIRLS SPEAKING LIKE ZOMBIES HAVE TERRIBLE GRAMMAR, NERO IS NOT A LAWYER IN ANY ENGLISH SPEAKING NATION AND KNOWS SIXTEEN OTHER LANGUAGES EIGHT OF THEM WHICH HE USES DURING A YEAR. "THIS IS GETTING BORING" Mine. "Game Over BITCHES!" You wont admit I am bad ass enough to post all of this, I wont admit that you got the... Whatever it takes to behave like girls women whatever you like. "Nero will post this because he is insane" Nero wonders if that was a dare or just girls agreeing completely with his opinion of self. Posting. "NOO WAIT DONT BE STUPID WE, I ETC ARE JUST KIDDING DONT DO IT" Nero senses buncha idiots but shuts his ears, this was a dare and Nero is a daredevil... To the point where Nero does not understand why he had to detach the laptop and hide in the toilet in order to post this... Nero hears its all like "Do not humiliate yourself" "Do you have no self dignity?" "Nero does not understand what the fuck is humuliating nor against self dignity..." Well What the FUCK does a REAL NEROMAN NEED SOME QU33R DIGNITY FOR! "Nero hears girls questioning Nero`s social awareness" XD "Nero does not care what the fuck random people thinks about him, there will always be bad opinions, jealous opinions, and opinions that lead to sex" "Nero is not perfect, but wont admit it" Nero is not perfect, he knows, but Nero has not claimed so either, so Nero thinks that people should stop thinking that Nero is perfect. "Wow, did he like really post it? That is so like lame!" Nero, can hear in girls voice that they are merely testing Nero. "Nero claims he posted this to them" Girls laugh, Nero was right, they laugh with Nero not at Nero, "Really asks one girl to Nero" Not yet, here goes... What, is this supposed to be humiliating? I HAVE A SAYAN SWAGGER BITCHES! (did not actually say that, but... Employerss wont stop reading Nero`s stuff and get to work. "Nero will start cutting the daily salary of his employers" Mark my words. "Nero can you just get the fuck out of the toilet?" Nero holds on a bit, girl does not know there is another toilet, this could get fun and kinky. "Is he actually using it?" I dares myself here, people think im shitting or something, okay time to post this sigh ever boring crap that humored them at least, and that will make them go "Asshole I almost pissed myself" Nero regrets opening the door at all XD Next time... And then Nero will tell idiot B that there are four toilets at the very same corners... Which is far less weird than it sounds, no crowding at parties fancy with the fucking ugly and disgusting employees that are still reading this (YES YOU!) And the hot chicks, and me parties... (this is not a party, this is a... Smaller grouping). "Nero is a braggart" Ok you got me there, my lifestyle includes expressing the joy pride and happiness it gives me, the satisfaction, without revealing the name of my bitches... Nor girls/women/cousins/female anima... Ok not that last one, well actually she was fucking ugly, and it was a dare, so maybe she passes as a... No? Nah, Nero cant say such things even to the ones of... "Inner beauty". "NERO IS FINISHED" Now Nero just regrets keeping the door close, you which read this far too, because you could have seen the cutest prettiest boobiest girl in the group, piss herself at. "Why knows, I turned on the webcam.com and Nah, I dont reveal that kinda shit to others than God and myself... Which is of course only myself" "Nero is a fetishist" Ok of what? Nice one, Neither Nero nor the "suggesters" know... "Nero is bored of this and wont have more suggestions" DAMN STRAIGHT! "NO DONT POST THAT YOUR DIGNI" NERO FUCKS DIGNITY AND POISE AND... NERO IS METAL HARDCORE HE CHAINSAWS PETS HEADS OFF BY DAY AND DEFENDS THOSE ACCUSED OF CHAINSAWING PETS HEADS OF BY NIGHT. "Dont Post that come on!" Nero gives Zero fucks about what whiny girl B almost pissed herself girl thinks, and he still scores... If you know what I mean ;) "NOOOO WTF! WHY WHAT WILL THE HORSEHEAD NETWORK THINK OF YOU?" Well I am already the Moral Man and the most pointless invention which is a man (unless you include Justin Beiber, which makes you weird) Moral: It also means that I am the man whose "moral name" has most green thumbs" "Nero please, I need to use the toilet, I got to pee" Lol XD okay not in the mood for this, and the word pee with that voice made what could have been fun sound... Too young. "NERONERONERONERONERONERO" MORAL MAN

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I just sharpened this hatchet Don't make me use it!

why did the chicken cross the road? because he was trying to kill himself in the fastest and easiest way due to his drinking problems, which in the first place separated him him from his wife, who is fighting with him in court for custody of there only child ,Steven. He can not even pay the rent on his apartment or hold a job to pay child support..he is also in debt.

What do you call a Mexican who likes to eat burritos? A Mexican

Woman are equal and deserve respect just kidding they should suck my ****

Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window? His parents are never around to supervise him.

Why celebrate your birthday, its just getting closer and closer the death.

Hey, I'm Schrödinger, and this is crazy! But here's a sealed box... the cat lives, maybe...

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Shell Station.

Why did the chicken cross the road? His family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn't quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police. Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family's murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family's killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer's whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was. As he arrived at the killers' home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in. After fighting through many of the dealers' body-gaurds, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Froghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be.. As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Froghorn's life didn't, and wouldn't, bring his family back. Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more. As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him "You're finally home Ralph, you're finally home."

How do you kill a red elephant? You can't red elephants don't exist.

Your family is so fat that when their feet hit the ground, it recorded 9 on the richter scale, because they were launched at the Earth at close to the speed of light, and when you account for relativistic mass effects, the amount of energy that was displaced into the ground was tremendous

Jesse is so fat, his weight on his scale says " hahaha gotta love childhood obesity"

Q: How to make a man who suffers from hypochondria want to kill himself? A: You take a shet on his face.

A grandma writes to her young grandson every day over e-mail with funny lines and pictures,He shows his parents a joke she sent him it reads- "A guy walks into a bar.. He says ouch" They then read on and call the police.They say "Son go to your room.. you're being stalked by a pedophile.. Your grandma has been dead since last year.. we are sorry"

A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

Why was the boy crying? he was so happy his mom bought him a playstation 3

what you get time to go with? - a clock

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops