How did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it died. how did the second monkey fall out of the tree? because it was stapled to the other monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do elves get for Christmas? Overtime.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

An automobile mechanic busted an engine fuse. A prostitute had oral sex with a Marine. An Inuit hunter detonated a sea mammal with TNT. What do they all have in common? They all blew a seal.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Goldilocks say to the Three Bears? No one knows. Her remains were discovered three weeks later.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

In a galaxy far, far, away.... There were quasars, stars, and various sized meteors.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you order when it's a sunday in nyc during a solar eclipse on a leap year past 12:00 pm? what ever you like

thumb_up thumb_down +2

roses are blue violets are red i messed up so f... this s..t

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy eat the worm? Because his parents were starving him, and it was all he had.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What's blue, red, and circular? A: I lied about the blue, and... uh... the red and circular part too, but everything else is true. It is an ipod touch.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's a Hillbilly's last words? I won't be here much longer, so take care of the kids. I love you.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your mother is so fat, she is dying due to obesity and it would be utterly disgusting to make fun of anyone in that situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your mom is so fat she could consider going on biggest loser, where she might be able to make a lot of money.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

An anteatter walks into a bar, the bar tender says "hey renee zellweger"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the farmer say when he couldnt find his tractor? "Wheres my tractor?"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the racist guy die? Because the black guy stabbed him with a fork.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Eight, because there's one tickle per tentacle!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Tool will release their 5th album this summer.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad that this joke took your mind off your terminal cancer?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A bench is an inanimate object and a Mexican is a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A black man and his mexican friend walk into a bar. The black man orders a drink and the mexican gets soda. He is the designated driver

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did George Washington say to his men before they got on a boat? Men, get on the boat

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops