Little Timmy walks up to the teacher during class and asks "Can i use the restroom?" The teacher says "I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy says "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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I can be considerate if like someone is burning to death and I was the one considerate enough to lit them on fire... Wait no, I am considerate towards my friends (which are all ladies, all men besides me are obstacles and nothing else) AAAAND my logic processor broke down. Anyway, please do me the honors, take the last message.

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Why was the black man crying? His wife left him, took his children, and most of his possessions in the divorce.

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Two black guys run into a bank with guns. They place them in their pre-payed safety deposit boxes and continue on their way as they were falling behind on their schedule.

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What do you get when you combine a cat and a dog? A Cog

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? I don't know, I've never tried to.

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Why did the parents order the 16 year old daughter to move out of Virginia? Because she lost her virginity

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Ted: Joe, do you think I'm dumb? Joe: No, I think you're Ted.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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caoimhin is a dorty carrot

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What is Blue, Pink, and Green, and sometimes sparkles when wet? Grass. I lied about the Blue and Pink to throw you off...because I can.

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There was once a really smart Hufflepuff.

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A black man walks into a store and grabs something off of a shelf. He walk briskly towards the door and pauses, looking sneakily left and right to make sure nobody else is around. He also looks and sees that the security camera is not facing him. Seeing as nobody is watching him, he quickly turns towards the counter beside the door and pays for the item with his own debit card, knowing that nobody can see him enter his PIN.

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Doctor! Doctor! Everyone seems to be stealing things! Piss off, I am a doctor not a detective you prick.

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Roses are red Violets are blue The sun is bright.

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Did you hear about the new XBOX releasing in Mexico. It's called the XBOX JUAN!!!

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A Jew ran into a wall with a boner. He broke his nose first.

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What did the white teen say to the black man? Sup nigga. What then followed? A savage beating at which the teen did not survive.

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Q: Why didn't Dwight D. Eisenhower play with the silly putty? A: Because he's dead.

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What the hell are you doing?

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Microwaveable jellied horse nipple

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If you can't read this, you should think about optical enhancement surgery. If you can, however, you just wasted 5 seconds of your life doing so.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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