How do you get 500 babies into one bathtub? a blender. How do you get them out? NACHOOOS

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Roses are red Violets are blue Daisies are yellow Trust me, I'm a florist.

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*knock knock* *knock knock * ? ? The man didnt answer because he died of a stroke

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A man walks into a bar. The barman says, 'why the lo-, wait, i thought you was that horse again.'

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A high school student finally gets the nerve to ask his long-time crush on a date. They begin dating, and eventually settle down and get married. After six months of marriage, she dies in a car crash and he spends years in therapy.

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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More mindfuck: Your school is betraying you edition. How are you going to feel good about yourself, if you have to UNDER STAND everything you learn? Moral: If you dont get it, you are not ready.

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roses are red violets are blue cookie monster is gonna eat you big bird is yellow you look mellow dont forget elmo to

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How did the boy compliment the girl? He told her she had a lot of breasts. In return, she told him he had many penises.

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What did the lighthouse say to the tree? Nothing because they are both unatimate objects and cannot speak

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I love you

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It's like they always say, you get what you pay for. Unless your a woman, then you get what other men pay for.

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Often, Asians argue that they can speak properly... Like instead of L's, they use "R's." Sure... http://eng.tekkenpedia.com/wiki/Leo#Introduction

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Do you know what Stevie Wonder's house looks like? No. Well, neither does he.

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live or die you decide to late time to die

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what's better than winning the special olympics?.. Not being retarded

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Why did a boy fall off the swing at a playground? He did not have any arms.

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What have the TV programmes Shameless, The Jeremy Kyle Show and Benidorm all have in common? They are all examples of modern British society

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. Any more than that and they would just be getting in each others way.

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Whats more fun that a hooker - her mother

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Why couldn't the little kid get to sleep? His dog was on fire

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What do you call a dinosaur when it gets out of a pool? Wet.

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Knock knock Who's there? You're You're who? YOU'RE MOM IN MY BED!!! (i know it sucks)

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whats the difference between a dead body and a car with doors that open in a diagnal manner one was never alive to begin with

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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