Why did Jim not go to the park and play football with his Dad today? His dad got hit by a bus and lost his legs

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What happens when you go from a jew to a penguin? A huge climate change.

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Why is it so bad that the bus fell off the cliff? All my friends were on it.

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What does Kim Kardashian and a Navy Vessel have in common? They are both full of seamen!

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What did Ann Frank say when she dropped her icecream Nothing because she was captured by Natzis

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Why did the retirement home go out of business. There was a fire and all of the residents charred to death accept for a couple who escaped but were too traumatized to return to the old folks home.

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Why did the man soil himself at his daughters wedding? Because he has an enlarged prostate and has trouble sitting down for long periods of time.

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A man walks into a casino, and when he walks out his family has no home.

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what gets louder as it gets smaller? a baby in a trash compacter.

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What did the black man get for Kwanza? AIDS

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It's okay, I got the yogurt.

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What you you call peanut butter on the top of a dog house Peanut butter

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Your mothers so ugly that when memory sees her it says " Damn-it I hate my job!

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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Why don't Vikings read the New York Times? Because they all died centuries ago. And none of them live in New York.

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Q: what is green, red, white, on fire, in space A: i dont know you tell me

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I had 99 problems Solved them all

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What did the pineapple say to the apple? Nothing, neither can speak.

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What does it mean when your dog goes to the bathroom on your floor? He hasn't been very well potty trained By: robobob123

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a man walks into a bar and a horsefly eats him

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Why did the man with every known fatal disease die? Old age.

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Q: why didn't the asian boy ask for a calculator? A: you don't need calculators to make shoes

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How do you confuse a girl? Easily.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm allergic to both Now I'm dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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