Q: How many children did it take to screw in a light bulb? A: The light bulb was already screwed in and exploded after excessive tampering

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I drove my Chevy to the levy. It was dry.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

sex with dead people. they can't say no;)

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the McCann's parent's leave the window's and doors open? Because Portugal is a very hot climate, And they expected the place they were staying to be safe as lot's of tourist's stay there throughout the year.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

[INSERT ANTIJOKE HERE]

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats fun about having sex with twenty six year olds? Theres twenty of them

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why do people poke people on facebook? Because they have no friends and will die alone

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Snow White found a magic lamp in the middle of the forest. She rubbed it and became pregnant because the spout was a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the difference between Nelly and Common? One of them is an artist and one of them is a businessman.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the brick say to the wall? Nothing, as they are both inanimate objects that lack knowledge and the sense to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

what did the child say to his mother? daddy raped me!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's red and can't speak ? A strawberry

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

what do you call and man that has a twitch every time someone say tissue broken arm, leg, hand, collar bone and there iphone? A mentally and physically demented man that needs serious help from a psychotherapist otherwise matter would get increasingly worse

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down +21

So I was walking down the road today

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Me and my wife set and watch the eleven o'clock news every night. My wife always thinks that she has the different disease that is mentioned each day. One night she was practically in tears telling me that she had the disease that was talked about that night. I looked at her and said "honey, there is no way that you have testicular cancer. You don't even have testiculars." The End

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man on an airplane is extremely frustrated by a small, screaming child. He puts on his headphones and listens to music.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Vote this down and get DOXED

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Monks do not speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Dear crush, I want to drink you

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man walks into a bar and approaches a man "Ask me if I'm a tree." "Fine.Are you a tree?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops