A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is quite strange, but then realizes he is dreaming. He awakes and tells his wife about it. His wife tells him to go to sleep. The bartender is now sad because he realizes his marriage is in shambles

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school? Both of his legs were amputated. He can't ride a bike ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

how do you confuse a brunette? paint yourself red and throw a fridge at her

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the homeless man not get any ice cream from the store? Because he was not very bright and didn't try in school. Therefore he couldn't find a job or get his job back at the janitor at Go-Mart. This proves that not doing your school work correct can really effect your future. Plus they was sold out of chocolate.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats worse then finding your mom with your boyfriend? finding your dad with your girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats better than seeing a worm in your apple... Reading the the next anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Who wants water? I do.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

roses are red unless they are the pink ones oh yeah they're also pretty expensive

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a lot of Chinese people in a confined place? A Chinese urban center.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Phoebe: Joey, it's a birthday party. Joey: Yeah, but for a one year old. What's the point? The other day, she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow. And the cow says...."Elmoooo!" Joey: *starts to laugh* Yeah...that's a funny cup.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A Jew walks into an expensive Hotel and orders 500 dollars worth of wine.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I was watching two muffins baking in an oven. One said to the other, "Wow, it's hot in here." The other one said "Wow! A talking muffin!" I went to my psychiatrist the next day, to increase the dosage on my medication.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do we achieve world peace? KILL EVERYBODY. Nobody can fight when they're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man with a blue house wears a blue shirt and wears blue jeans. Someone from a red house with a red shirt knocks on his door. He is invited in because they are friends and both have a wonderful time.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, some dont

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Want to hear something funny? Sure, what? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What do is it called when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? A: Why give it a name when it is never goin to happen!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

If somebody chucks skittles at you saying taste the frickin rainbow Run over them with a car and say "NationWide is on your side!!! ????

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get ran over.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

* How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? * He just need to go to the Register Office and change his name to "a man"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There was a dog and a cat. What happens next? The cat's not there anymore. Neither is the dog. Can you guess what happend? The dog ate the cat, but the cat was his friend, so the dog committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock Who's there No one. The house has been vacant for years.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops