- Anti Joke

how many dead babies can you fit into a blender? 17 how do you get them out? Tortilla chips, but you'd be arrested by that time anyway because you just murdered 17 babies

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

What does Pluto and a creamsicle have in common? Neither of them are a planet.

An astronaut, a nun and a fireman walk into a bar. They all order something to drink as they have all had a busy day.

What do you call a black priest? HOLY SHIT!!!!

Two men walk into a bar...They are traveling together for a convention and like pub type bars and are excited to be there.

why did the chicken cross the rode? so it can get the seed that is between the two yellow lines, and then he walked back without getting hit by a car.

Little Timmy walks up to the teacher during class and asks "Can i use the restroom?" The teacher says "I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy says "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

When were in a zombie apocalypse I will make sure to save you for 40 days and then I will sacrifice you

What's funny about water, food, and shelter? Nothing, those are essential necessities to live your life, unless you have chains attached to your ankles with bricks on the other end and you're thrown in the middle of the ocean with no chance what so ever

Do I know any jokes about sodium hypobromite? As a matter of fact, I do. It goes: "Do I know any jokes about sodium hypobromite? NaBrO."

Why did the guy lie down? He was dead.

DON'T TOUCH MY DUCK, IT HAS A ONE DOLLAR BILL

Cole and his brother josh tag team jaycie until she cries herself to sleep while Sarah watches

What did the black man say to his wife? Nothing, she had died earlier that year after a long battle with cancer.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, What else is new?

Q: Why was the little girl not allowed to watch the pirate film? A: Due to the violent scenes and coarse language, her parents decided it was inappropriate.

Why is the boy lying down on the floor? The chandelier fell on him.

Paddy Englishmen, Paddy Irishmen and Paddy Scotsman walk into a bar. They realise that they all share a common name and make a casual joke about it.

A potato walked into a bar and ordered a large bowl of french fries

Trump will make America great again.

What do you call a deaf-black man that professionally generates maps of the world? A cartographer.

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

What did the single guy do on Valentine's Day? Celebrate his birthday since he was born on the same day.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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