Jeff has 45 candy bars. He eats 40. What does Jeff have? Diabeetus

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Whats worse then a worm in your apple...... some of these jokes

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How do they call a black man that works in a mine. Miner.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Super Monkey Ball Deluxe. Super Monkey Ball Deluxe who? Oh no.

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Two trees sit in a dark forest. Between them is a small hare. The wind blows hard and rustles the trees. The hare then looks up, and then forward. He hops away.

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whats big and green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? a snooker table

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why did winnie the pooh have his head in the toilet,? it was clogged.

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Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks

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What did Siri say to Cortana? Nothing. Someone has to say something in order to activate either one of the voice recognition devices.

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Whats the diffetance between a river and a waterfall? One is vertical!??

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Who is the Greek god of STDS? Herpies

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Why did Hitler hate Jews? Because he use to get bulied by them when he was in high school.

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Girlfriend has 10 letters, but then again, so does freeeeedom

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Tina: Mom, would you love me if I was straight Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was gay Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was Bi Mom: No Tina: Why not Mom: Because that's selfish!

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Rachel: Wanna hear a conundrum? Robby: Sure! Racheal: Vampire Value card.

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I like my women like I like my coffee Without a penis

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3 Women were on a desert Island, This Island was situated in the middle of the Atlantic so there was no hope of survival.

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What happens to an elephant when it rains? It gets wet.

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What is worse than a sharknado? A bullcano.

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Q:Why did the boy have no friends A: because Ants are not considered friends

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What did the jew say to hitler? SURPRISE!! IM YOUR NEW DADDY

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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