Why did the tomato turn red? The salad pulled out a gun.

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I'm Andrew Schmitt

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What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

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Knock knock

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One, two, three, four and five

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So this drunk guy pokes this girl. 4 months later she has a misscarrage

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If life hands you melons, you might be dyslexic.

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Every 5 seconds a child dies in Somalia. Good news is there are 4 second intervals when a child isn't dying in Somalia. I say kill them all

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What do you call a Black guy who flies planes? A pilot

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What's brown and sticky? Most forms of excrement.

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why did the girl fall of her bike She had no arms

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im bad with colours Nice T!ts

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Q: What did the blind deaf orphan get for Christmas? A: Cancer

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AHLTFKCITAWKSHTC

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What's worse than knowing you have Hepititis C? Not knowing.

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Patient: "Doctor, my arm hurts when I poke it with my index finger." Doctor: "That's because your finger is broken."

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Why didn't john go to school? He has terminal cancer and he must stay at hospital

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A man walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, "Do you know where the library is located?" The bartender describes to him that the closest library is three blocks down, next to the red brick building with a green roof.

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Why couldn't the cat drink milk? It Didn't have a face.

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What did one volcano say to the other? Nothing. Volcanoes are inanimate objects that do not possess the ability to speak.

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What did the flower say to it's friends? I want to kill a Christmas tree.

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what did the downsindrome get for christmas?? A: Aids and a Dead wife

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Why did the first koala fall off the tree? He was dead. Why did the second koala fall off the tree? He got hit by the first one. Why did the third koala fall off the tree? He thought it was a game so he joined in.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Although this is a highly improbable scenario, one would assume that, being a chicken, it did not have much of an intuitive idea as to what to do while it was stray for whatever reason in an urbanized area. Considering chickens do not harbor nearly as much of a mental capacity as it would require to even comprehend the concept of a "road" and is impervious to the idea of oncoming traffic and such, the fact that it happened to be crossing the road was in fact not even recognized by the chicken. For this reasons I deem this question unanswerable.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops