What happens when your scared half to death...twice!!? Nothing, being scared half to death is an expression, you should not be fearing for your life.

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Q: Who wants a chick with big breasts? A: Everyone apparently, because chickens are being genetically engineered that way because people are racist about what part of the chicken then want to eat. The white meat or the dark meat. Guess what? Now they can't walk because they are top heavy. And who's fault is that? The people who only eat the white meat.

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What's a dead baby look like? I don't know, I don't fap with my eyes open.

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So I was blow drying my penis and my girlfriend asked what I was doing. Apparently, "heating up your dinner." wasn't the right response.

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Mel Gibson and a Jew walk into a bar They proceed to have a pleasant conversation and both take taxis home

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There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

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What do you call a black man standing on a sidewalk? Preferably race shouldn't matter in this situation, but in most social circumstances the man would be described as black to elucidate the person being depicted.

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What do you call something that lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know, but that seems like an improbable circumstance.

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So I was walking down the road today

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? A: Shark bait.

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Why did the kid get on the bus. Because he had to go home

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What did the jacket say to the girl? Zip me up wait why am I talking

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What did the plane say to the other plane? Boy, those towers fall!

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Q: How do you break into your own house? A:You don't....thats ridiculous(:

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A guy walks into a bar, has a few drinks with his mates and gets highly intoxicated.

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why did bob fall off the swing Because he got hit by a microwave

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It's the police sir. There's been an accident.

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What do you call a fish without an eye? Impaired of vision.

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Whats the difference between a Bicycle and a duck? They Both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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Why did Devon move out of his mom's house? His mom beats him.

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why did the chicken cross the road? I dunno ask the chicken

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Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy, But here's my number, So call me anytime you're free, but I can't guarantee I will answer because I could be at work.

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What's the difference between a baby and an onion? One is a vegetable and the other is a human being.

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Your Mother is so ugly that men tend to avoid her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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