There are 3 type of people in the world. People who can count, and people who can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the women hit the telephone pole? There are many theories but one suggests that it is due to womens statistically lower cognitive spacial reasoning abilities.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What couldn't the stereotypical pirate get into the movie? Well, considering that the stereotypical pirate existed in the sixteenth to eightteenth centuries and the first motion picture wasn't made until the mid to late nineteenth century, also the technology for time travel does not exist nor has it ever, I would have to derive that he was not let in due to the fact that there was no way for him to ever exist at the same time that a movie would have been playing.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

a young mother calf named near reality was milking itself and selling it at pathmark everyday for high prices he got a lot of money out of it and bought a big mansion where he also had a farm and collected prize show cows to show off to all of his cow friends.... he also bought gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons of prize show cow milk to drink to and build up energy for the cow show race coming up in the near fall. Every sunset he buys loads of milk to drink and feed his plants with. He plants lots of grass every day to eat and produce high quality milk goods. He was a wii, ps3, and xbox360 to play everyday and excercise his udder milk.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: Banana! B: Not you again..(slams door)

thumb_up thumb_down -94

What's black, white,and red all over? A crime scene where a black and white man were brutally murdered by a psychopath that is still on the loose and could be killing someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

How's your mum? she's dead..

thumb_up thumb_down -114

What did the phone say to the telephone? I can't connect with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -158

Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Q. Did you hear about the kid napping? A. Yeah, he woke up and was grumpy

thumb_up thumb_down +55

What do you call a dead blond in a closet? A homicide victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

roses are grey, violets are grey, i'm colourblind and shit at poetry

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How did the fat man die? Someone who was mad at society shot him and many others in the head while at the workplace.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man walks around a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock Knock Who's there? Sargeant John Smith mam. I regret to inform you that your husband died in the line of fire - I'm sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

John had 32 candy bars. He ate 28 of them. What does John have now? daibetes, john has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Your mother is so dumb. It's a good thing she knows sign language.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock knock

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's green and has wheels? A cucumber with wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

So there's this mexican with a big sombrero riding a donkey, it was a sunny day and he didn't feel like walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

The night is always darkest just before the dawn. Just kidding I'm Helen Keller, everything's always dark.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What is a African man with funny clothing and children straddling onto his back for dear life/ screaming in fear who only a few minutes ago before a particular incident made several young children cry and being chased by an authority figure? A: An intentionally inane circus performer partcipating in a scintillating rendition alongside his two children of who inadvertently frightened a small group of youth before he immediately decided to proceed by, during one of his extremely long, albeit few breaks, taking the members of his family on an interesting excursion to the nearby amusement park for occassional thrills. On the initial journey there, the black man, out of haste, accidentally dropped one of his children's most valuable toys of which elicited undeniably obnoxious bouts of sadness to come bursting out of his children's respective chests and an increased rate-of-travel for his wife of who accopanied him on his adventure and desired to assist him in his panic. In the spin of events, the man experienced an instance of hyper-activedness and spun out of control for a minute before eventually cooling down. Hence the screaming.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why can't Jay cut his hair? Because he has AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops