One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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How long does it take a woman to park a car? Shouldn't take long, depends on the size of the parking spot.

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whats wosre than stubbing your toe? being lost on a desert island being raped

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

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A chicken walks into asda/walmart The person at the counter says: "What can I get you?" The chicken says: "Cluck"

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A black man and a white man enter a public toilet. They both begin to pee at the urinals. The whiteman peers over to the blackman mid-pee. He is dissappointed to find that the black man's penis is not large according to stereotype and then blushes embarassed by his own latent homosexuality. They both leave the toilet and never see eachother again. The white man cries himself to sleep later that night. 'I've been hiding too long' he thinks.

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What do Jim Carrey, Kim Jing-un and Justin Bieber have in common? A penis.

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How did john walk on the sun? We don't know, he probably burned to death before getting close.

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what's worse than the holocaust the man who thought of it

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Your mama is so fat, we are all seriously concerned about her health.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing. Cats can't talk.

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Roses are red. Violets are violet. Violet is a color already.

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Black Ops? That sounds illegal. Anyway, what do you mean you are a employee only? I mean if you where a fed, you would either be on the top, or be an employee no?

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I would very much love to meet you again Erron, call me sometime I do not care how you get my number.

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Why was six afraid of seven? He wasn't. that joke is just a way to convince you that seven is a scary number.

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Patrick: My name is 24. Spongebob: Hey, Patrick, you know whats worse than 24? Patrick: What? Spongebob: 911.

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Why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was white

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what happened to the fat lady she went on a diet and is now skinny but she cant resist mcdonalds big macs so she quickly become fat

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I was gonna make a joke about a my dick... Racecar

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What's big, blue, and eats rocks? A big blue rock eater.

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Did you hear about the blonde that crashed her car? No. Is she okay?

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Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a truck? No.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Adam: knock knock!! Eve: who's there? Adam: don't be silly, just open the f*cking door!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops