Friend: how obsessed are you with harry potter on a scale from 1-10 Me: 9 and 3/4

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Why do blind people laugh at this joke? Because they can't read it and everyone else is laughing.

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Why did Billy stop playing baseball? He lost his legs to cancer. Poor Billy.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on the training and hence productivity of the babies.

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What is the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? I take my cleats off when I jump on trampolines

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Why does the cow eat grass? A: Because it's green. (Cows are colorblind)

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MRCANN YOUR A FUCKIN' CARROT LERN 2 FOCKIN SIT IN YER HOLE YA FUCKIN PLANT

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a toothpick

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The fox said to the walrus, "Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!" And the walrus replied, "Goo-Goo-g'joob".

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Q: Why couldn't the man get laid? A: Women were afraid of his 7 testes and 4 penises.

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Why are asians so good at maths? Because their culture exercises a hard work ethic in order for many of them to achieve high ranking jobs in order to support their families

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What did the octopus say to the lion? Nothing, because the likely hood of a lion and an octopus meeting is incredibly slim, as an octopus is a sea creature, and a lion isn't. A lion and an octopus cant even communicate with each other anyway, so even if they did come across each other they wouldn’t be able to talk. Octopi are also anti-social creatures by nature so I can say with some confidence that the lion and the octopus will not have a convocation. Written By JAMES!

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Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

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On her day off, a fully clothed stripper walks into a bar she's never been to before. The regulars turn their heads to see who has just walked in, then turn back to their own conversations.

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Why did the man tell the child to get into the van? They were late for a field trip.

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What do you say to somebody that wont shut up Shut up!!!!

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What did the alcoholic say to the blind man? Nothing. But he beat his wife and kids savagely.

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Two crabs are standing on a wall. One of them falls down. The second one's name is Georges.

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What's white, black and tan? The people of planet earth.

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Why did the girl buy the watermelon? To eat it.

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eat a hot dog

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Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory? A: It's hard to say. HR can not discuss the details of her termination, and the blonde signed a non-discloure agreement. She has since relocated to Biloxi with her family and is doing quit well.

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Why did the weird, creepy old man in the beat up van give ice cream to the little girl? Because his company went bankrupt and as part of a court order, he was thereby forced to give away the remaining contents of his inventory to those who seeked it.

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(Insert joke here)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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