Uber Driver: "Hey I'm close, where are you?" Me: "oh, I see you!" Uber Driver: "Are you that guy in the middle of the road?" Me: "yeah, floor it"

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A man walks up to a girl and says "Hello there" The girl doesn't respond because she has been deaf and blind for her entire life and doesn't know he is there. Potatoes.

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Justin Beiber

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ADAM FANTUZZI SUCKS KIRANS BALL SACK

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why did the blonde get caught shop lifting? she wasnt a very good theif

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"...."-Hellen Keller

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A man walks into a bar and asks for 6 vodka shots. The bartender looks at him in a strange manner. The man quickly downs all 6 of the vodka shots. The bartender looks at the man and says "Jeepers mate, whats the celebration?" The man replies "Well mate, first blow job today" The bartender in a kind gesture says "Here you go mate, next one is one me" while pouring another shot. The man respectfully replies, "No thanks mate, if 6 didn't get the taste away, im sure 7 won't"

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rose's are red violets are blue bernard is mine and yours too if you hurt him in any way i'll punch you in your face and make you gay Krissc

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"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "The police." "'The police', who?" "Sir, come out of your domicile with your hands up and no weapons present. You've just gone to an orphanage and massacred almost every nun who's worked there for almost five years. Not only that, but your son has also contracted AIDS from his previously lesbian girlfriend whom she has lost her mother too in the orphanage accident you've just caused."

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So there's this moose right? And he walks into the store and asks where the potatoes are. And the cashier lady says aisle 5. So the moose walks to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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What do you call a Chineses filled with bus?

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Robert Muldoon: "Clever girl..." Velociraptor: "I appreciate your compliment, but I will still eat your face."

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A: why do elephants paint their toenails red? B: why? A: so they can hide in cherry trees B: I don't get it A: have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? B: no... A: exactly

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"You're not very subtle, are you?" asked Nyacinth of the Prince. "Coo-fif," replied the Prince, a sly smile on his face.

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whats the best anti joke ever? mine you dipshit

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Q: why did the boy cross the road A: because he was being chased by a pedophile

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a killer

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How many kids does Buzz Light Year have? To infinity and beyond!!

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A man looks in his toilet and gazes in fear of the fact that there is blood on his bowel movement. He has colitis

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What did little John get for his birthday? No sort of disease or illness of any kind because he was in perfect health. He also got an Xbox.

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What do you do when you walk downstairs and see your TV floating? Call Ghostbusters.

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Whats the defination of cruelty

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The Hardest Final Exam, Test, Quiz! !!! 1. What is the first question? a. True b. False 2. Which of the following is following a witch? a. Broom b. Stick c. Broomstick d. Stickbroom 3.What is the first letter of the alphabet? a. b b. c c. d d. e 4. Which of the following is NOT true? a. True b. False 5. Explain the differences between north and south? a. north is south b. south is north c. south is south b. north is north 6. How many can you a. See? b. Feel? c. Hear? d. Disturbing? 7. What number are we in? a. second b. first c. sixth d. homerun 8. The most faster your car is, what time is it? a. True b. False 9. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? a. chicken b. egg c. all of the above d. none of the above 10. What is the opposite of below? a. below b. above c. all of the above d. none of the above 11. Which is not a letter of the alphabet? a. a b. b c. c d. all of the above 12. If b+c = b+c, then.... a. b+c? b. True? c. needs more improvement 13. What color is the rainbow? a. yellow b. red c. There is no color 14. If the chicken came first, what came second? a. The rooster b. The egg c. The chicken d. The duck 15. How many numbers are in a number? a. True b. False 16. Imagine you are stranded in a deserted island? a. Robinson Carusoe b. Tom Hanks c. The blue lagoon d. non-existing cells 17. Choose the best answer a. opposite b. average c. both a and b are wrong d. all of the above 18. Which of the following is not a sentence? a. The b. ? c. A d. no 19. Can you go faster? a. True b. False c. both a and b are wrong d. both a,b, and c are wrong 20. If 1 + 1 equals 2, what is the fastest car in the world? a. 2+2=4 b. 3 c. 7 d. no answer 21. Please select the wrong answer a. True b. False 22. Why? a. because b. where? c. why? d. Z 23. Almost Done? a. True b. False 24. Roosters don't lay eggs. a. Left? b. Right? c. On which side will the egg fall d. Rooster is standing in a pointed roof 25. A snake is an example of a a. reptile b. snake c. living thing d. car 26. How do you spell entrophy? a. anthrophy b. entrofy c. ontrafie d. entropy 27. A car is driving 45 mph east of L.A. while a train is driving 65 mph west of New York. If the sun is yellow, how many moons does the earth have? a. 1 moon b. 2 moons c. 45 mph d. red 28. True or False. Both a and b are correct? a. True b. False c. both a and b are wrong d. All of the above e. None of the above f. Only a and c are correct G. Actually, both abcdefg are not alphabets 29. Which of the following is a true sentence? a. The End b. The microwave is the end of c. The end of the end d. end then 30. What is an apple? a. It's a bird b. It's a plane c. It's superman d. All of the above 31. If this sentence is not English, what language is it? a. English b. Spanish c. Portuguese d. Neptune 32. In 1998, what former superstar has the capital of what state? a. Michael Bush b. ask the audience c. phone a friend d. 1969 33. If water has the chemical components H2O, what chemical components is a chemical? a. Water b. Fire c. Answer d. Question 34. Max has 4 coins. Jack has 7. Which 2 is false and which is true? a. True b. False 35. Answer this question? a. firefly b. hummingbird c. Seattle d. bees 36. A rabbit and a turtle are racing. They both had a tie. Who won wearing a shirt? a. pants b. rabbit c. chicken d. you lose 37. What comes after A? a. A b. F+ c. A rabbit d. not a question 38. What is a chocolate bar? a. A bar of chocolate bar b. A chocolate of bar c. bartender chocolate d. both b and d are wrong 39. Who is? a. True b. False 40. This question is tricky a. True b. False 41. What is the answer for number 41? a. expensive haircut b. sausage company c. No answer d. There is an answer 42. In mathematics, if you're drinking water and there's a bug in it, would you drink it? a. Yes, but not sure b. No, this is biology c. Not True d. Not False e. All of below F. You're already drinking the water 43. How do you answer this question? a. True b. False 44. Which of the following is an example of an example? a. The mission b. c. All of the answers are not true d. below above 45. If the clock strikes 3 and it’s 9 O’clock, what time is it? a. Alarm b. Doorbell c. Cause and Effect d. Permission 46. How many people does it take? a. 7 people b. 7 lightbulbs c. 7 O’clock d. 7-11 47. A tree falls down in the middle of a forest. Did the tree fall down if nobody was there to see it? a. It will b. It won’t make noise c. It will not d. It cannot make noise 48. Who or what is why and how, when and if it happens? a. The Minister b. where c. Nobody knows d. Sometimes 49. Which of the following does NOT make sense? a. one dollar b. perfume c. nickel d. sight 50. If this question is an answer, what answer is a question? a. Don't take this test again b. I can't believe you read this whole thing c. No way D. Yes way Update: AND YES, ALL THESE QUESTIONS ACTUALLY HAVE ANSWERS. CHOOSE THE "best" ANSWER FOR EVERY QUESTION. 1 following 6 answers Report Abuse Answers Relevance chikka Best Answer: i haven't but im gonna do yours. 1. What is the first question? a. True 2. Which of the following is following a witch? c. Broomstick 3.What is the first letter of the alphabet? a. b 4. Which of the following is NOT true? b. False 5. Explain the differences between north and south? c. south is south 6. How many can you a. See? 7. What number are we in? d. homerun 8. The most faster your car is, what time is it? b. False 9. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? a. chicken 10. What is the opposite of below? b. above 11. Which is not a letter of the alphabet? c. c 12. If b+c = b+c, then.... a. b+c? 13. What color is the rainbow? c. There is no color 14. If the chicken came first, what came second? b. The egg 15. How many numbers are in a number? a. True 16. Imagine you are stranded in a deserted island? b. Tom Hanks 17. Choose the best answer c. both a and b are wrong 18. Which of the following is not a sentence? a. The 19. Can you go faster? d. both a,b, and c are wrong 20. If 1 + 1 equals 2, what is the fastest car in the world? d. no answer 21. Please select the wrong answer b. False 22. Why? a. because 23. Almost Done? b. False 24. Roosters don't lay eggs. d. Rooster is standing in a pointed roof 25. A snake is an example of a a. reptile 26. How do you spell entrophy? a. anthrophy 27. A car is driving 45 mph east of L.A. while a train is driving 65 mph west of New York. If the sun is yellow, how many moons does the earth have? a. 1 moon 28. True or False. Both a and b are correct? a. True 29. Which of the following is a true sentence? a. The End 30. What is an apple? d. All of the above 31. If this sentence is not English, what language is it? d. Neptune 32. In 1998, what former superstar has the capital of what state? a. Michael Bush 33. If water has the chemical components H2O, what chemical components is a chemical? a. Water 34. Max has 4 coins. Jack has 7. Which 2 is false and which is true? a. True 35. Answer this question? d. bees 36. A rabbit and a turtle are racing. They both had a tie. Who won wearing a shirt? b. rabbit 37. What comes after A? d. not a question 38. What is a chocolate bar? a. A bar of chocolate bar 39. Who is? b. False 40. This question is tricky a. True 41. What is the answer for number 41? d. There is an answer 42. In mathematics, if you're drinking water and there's a bug in it, would you drink it? F. You're already drinking the water 43. How do you answer this question? a. True 44. Which of the following is an example of an example? a. The mission 45. If the clock strikes 3 and it’s 9 O’clock, what time is it? d. Permission 46. How many people does it take? a. 7 people 47. A tree falls down in the middle of a forest. Did the tree fall down if nobody was there to see it? a. It will 48. Who or what is why and how, when and if it happens? c. Nobody knows 49. Which of the following does NOT make sense? d. sight 50. If this question is an answer, what answer is a question? b. I can't believe you read this whole thing 51. How many camels does a hump have? a. 2 camels b. 2 humps c. 1 camel d. 1 hump 52. Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? a. Yes, trees can jump b. No, rabbits only hop c. trees don’t jump d. rabbits don’t care 53. Why did the turtle run? a. It was speeding b. It was racing the rabbit c. to get to the other chicken d. turtles can’t run 54. Who invented inventing? a. inventions b. Thomas Edison c. submarine d. Thomas Edison’s submarine 55. Can a man kill a shark with one hand? a. Needs two hands b. All of the above c. No such thing as a man with one shark d. No such thing as a shark with one man 56. Don’t judge a book by its cover. a. rabbits b. polka dots c. camel d. you have no choice 57. How long did you run if you ran a mile? a. 45 miles b. 45 minutes c. 45 mph d. 45 men 58. Open your book to chapter 4. a. True b. False 59. If it’s 9 O’clock in Japan, what time is it in August? a. 6 O’clock b. December c. China d. You have no choice 60. Here’s a tricky question. a. True b. False c. There is no question mark d. All of the above 61. Why is 6 scared of 7? a. 6 + 7 = 8 b. 786 c. eleventeen d. 7-11 62. Is your refrigerator running? a. running for president b. running for mayor c. refrigerators only walk d. you better go catch it 63. What is what? a. which is which b. it’s a noun c. it’s a question d. none of the below 64. What kind of noise does a giraffe make? a. bark bark b. oink oink c. giraffe giraffe d. meow mix 65. Give an example of a car? a. 2 wheels b. drive c. shift key d. not enough selections 66. How ya doin’? a. fine, how are you b. good, thanks c. false d. true 67. What’s red and white and blue all over? a. a flag that blew up b. yellow c. black d. orange is not a fruit 68. ? a. The gardener b The butler c. The waiter d. both b and c are inside 69. What is a U-turn? a. follow directions b. wrong spelling c. signal d. error BONUS: 0. Can you sing a song about a song that sings about singing songs? a. None of the above b. True and False c. Okay d. only songs about songs that talks about singing songs 1. What is your name? a. who wants to know b. none of your business c. none of the above d. two syllables and words in English 2. The correct answer is a? a. wrong b. correct c. melon d. sausage 3. What is the difference between up and down? a. up b. down c. left d. right e. same difference f. different similarities 4. If he and she do the work, can they make it work for him, her, or them? a. Them b. Her c. Him d. Final Answer 5. Can you drink the drink? a. water the water b. plant the plant c. smell the smell d. armpit the armpit

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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