How do you get a blonde out of a tree? Shoot her in the head.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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anti joke What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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Two crabs are standing on a wall. One of them falls down. The second one's name is Georges.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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What's big and grey and can't climb trees? A car park.

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What's up? Up Adverb: Toward the sky or a higher position. Preposition: From a lower to a higher point on (something); upward along: "I climbed up a flight of steps". Adjective: Directed or moving toward a higher place or position: "the up escalator". Noun: A period of good fortune. Verb: Do something abruptly or boldly: "she upped and left him". Synonyms: adverb. upward - upwards - aloft - above - upstairs - overhead preposition. on - upon - over - along - with adjective. rising noun. ascent - rise - upgrade verb. raise - enhance - increase - lift - rise

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree He was stapled to the first monkey Why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? its a refridgerator Why did the third monkey jump out of the tree It thought it was a game

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

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A black man, a mexican, and a christain are on an island. There are also many other people on the island, since all of North America and South America is one giant land mass.

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A guy finds a lamp in the desert and rubs it 3 times.. No genie appears because there is no such thing as Magic.

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What is more boring than watching paint dry? Aids

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whats blue and fluffy? blue fluff.

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Rebecca Black just died, she walked into a stadium and was overwhelmed by the amount of seating choices.

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What did the Cow say to the Chicken? Nothing animals cant talk

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Women's rights...

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Q: What do you call those assholes who always volunteer in lectures? A: Assholes. Fcuking assholes. They created the word asshole. Assholes

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Three men are facing a firing squad. They are all promptly executed. Even if they were to escape by distracting the executioners, they would no doubt be shot down before they could get for.

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Nerve endings. Now, lets say we make that sensation of a finger down there vibrate, as your nose (not not your lower parts no no) become twenty times as sensitive, now you are just rubbing your nose right? Try not rubbing it completely off now...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Why did he? NO I LOST THE CHICKEN Later: Knock knock Who's there The chicken

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What is the Hardest part of helping a grandma who has having trouble crossing the road? Picking the gravel out of the wrinkles in her knees.

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What squirts out of your butt and runs down your leg? Bloody diarrhea.

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What's big, hairy and smells like sweat? The big show after a hard days work in the ring.

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A. Knock Knock B. There is noone home so the individual goes home

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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