what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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Where do you8 find a dog with no legs? right where you left it

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Don't you just hate it when a sentence doesn't end the way you octopus?

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Human: "Panda get off that slide! Your a panda, you don't understand gravity!" Panda: g=9.81 m/s squared. Human: Oh, I see, carry on.

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What was the asian person's name? I don't know, I never met him.

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What do you call a calculator without a brain? A calculator.

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Wanna hear a funny joke? Oh, I was just asking.

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Radical thinkers have decided to end abortion they will begin to kill everyone who has an abortion.

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Q: What did the boy with no arms or lags get for christmas? A: He dosent now he cant open them.

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What happened to the guy who drank poison? he died.

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Wanna know how to confuse a black guy? Give him a friend chicken sandwich with mayo on it.

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Why was the little girl not allowed to see the pirate movie? It was sold out.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse says "my wife has cancer"

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What happen when the man preposed to his girlfriend? He regretted for the rest or his life.

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Q; How does a priest perform an exorcism? A: He doesn't.

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No your aunties a joke

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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

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Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore? -Because he is dead.

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yo Dawg I heard you like dogs... So I sent yo ass to prison and got an NFL contract

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Gotta disappoint you there, you see there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar organizations which work for the government, and those I work for are black ops, meaning that I would be putting my life in danger if I told you anything about it besides that fact. Its not listed anywhere, its not FBI, its not legislated by any government yet many governments invest their funds there, you could call it something like the interpool, and something like the underground society, except its multi-government driven... A term I sincerely do not fully understand myself, I have certain talents I put to use, but I lack the education in order to be more than a employee for these people.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His whole family attempted to cross the road approximately 30 seconds earlier and were immediately struck by a moving vehicle traveling at 45 miles per hour. He crossed the road to try to comfort his family while they took their final breathes of life. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a man that had recently been laid off from his union job and came down with a disease that is considered uncurable by modern science.

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A Jew and a German walk into a bar.

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Knock Knock : F*ck im watching porn...

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Batman vs Superman the movie spoilers: Batman and Superman argue over how to handle some alien invaders, Batman wants to kill em, Superman believes he can save em. In the end they work together and save everybody. Moral: I hope they change the script, ever noticed how every hero vs hero themed movie/cartoon, ends up with them allying at the end? If ya do not believe me, just wait for the movie to come out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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