How do you stop an asshole from being an asshole toward you? Shoot him in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. Banana soup, Gorilla poop

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What happens when you divide by 0? Sadly, you don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar. Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the boy let go of his red ballon? Because he was hit by a car

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you do when life gives you Oranges? You make lemonade and life wonders how you did it

thumb_up thumb_down +9

no really what are ur names?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the goat cross the street? It was running away from the Tsunami

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What do you call a girl who wears a tuxedo to prom? A: Comfortable with the way she looks.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What has two legs and two arms? A Human

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why do black people have a bad reputation? Because they do bad things.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than finding out your dad has AIDS? Finding out your little brother also has it, but you and your mother don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the young Muslim man have attached to him? A book-bag, it was is his first week college and he eager for an education.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A black man walks into a store with a gun. He is a policeman bringing in a murder weapon as part of his investigation.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Your mum's so fat that she's incredibly lucky she has a loving and supportive husband who values her personality over her appearance.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why did the mexican cross the road? Becuase his other one was stolen by a Black.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An asian and a black guy walked into a bar. An ambulance rushed to their aid as they were in great pain and had a slight chance of becoming paraplegic.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do u make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes? Nothing you haven't already said twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the farmer say when he finally found his tractor? "Wheres my tractor?" Oh ya he had alzheimers.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why the kid fall of his bike? He got hit by a fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops