Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey.

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What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Someone else's cheese.

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How do you get clean dishes? You wash them.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: Depends how hard you throw them.

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Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put them in your mouth and catch them on fire.

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Whats worse than one beast thing? Two beast things. Whats worse than two beast things? The holocaust. Whats worse than the Holocaust? Three beast things.

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When life gives you lemons, you throw them at your friends. If they throw them back, duck

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hey timmy, wanna go to Disneyworld?! tough. *10 seconds later* still no timmy

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How do you get your girlfriend's yapping Chihuahua to be quiet? Throw it through a window.

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A man walks into a bar and sees two girls making out. He orders a drink and leaves.

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How many chickens did Moses bring to the ark? 2

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Q: Why is the sky green? A: It's not

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What did the spatula say to the door handle? Nothing. Inanimate objects are incapable of speaking.

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What did the little boy say to his malignant tumour? "Hello" The tumour did not respond.

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What do a Jew and a homeless man both have in common? They both get nothing for Christmas

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, my eyes are bleeding

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I dont know so why are you asking?

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A man walked into a bar. He stayed for a bit and had a good time.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police, your child has been in a terrible car accident.

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What's white, black and can't fit through a man hole? A nun with a spear in their head

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Why couldn't the convicted felonist get back to America? He was in Antarctica and accidentally licked a flagpole.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because I hit her with an axe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops