One dark, stormy night, there was a man, limping slowly down the road. He looked across the road and noticed a little girl on a park bench. He carefully moved around behind , creeped up, and slowly tapped her on the shoulder. I tap 2 tap 3 tap The little girl slowly turned her head, and as she did, the man uttered 3 sentences.... "Would you mind helping me get back to my apartment, my hand was cut off in the war, while I was serving my country, which is why I have a hook as opposed to a hand. I was heading back to my apartment to greet my wife and 2 little children, since I just got back from a long day's work at the soup kitchen, helping those in need, and I sprained my ankle. By the way, my name I John Thompson."

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Why did my ex-husband get fired from the m&m factory? He was throwing away all the W's.

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Knock knock. Who is their? Grammar. Grammar who? Of course you don't know.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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1st guy:i like anti jokes. 2nd guy:me too, they make me laugh.

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How did the man die? A gorilla raped him

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He was butchered on the farm for chicken fingers.

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Q: what is the best way to pick up jewish chicks. A: with a pickup line and possibly a gift such as chocolates or flowers

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The word you are looking for is charm, not seduction, I am above such things, and while I have no reason whatsoever to believe either one of us can gain anything from going "eye for an eye", I am sure I can offer whatever financial and even specialized assistance you might require in order to get that eye of yours seeing clearer than before... Worry not, I shall outlaw the name Nero and all the derivations and similarities from my Order, unless someone named Nero actually happens to come by of course...

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What is the difference between a black person and a bicycle? You can sell a bicycle legally.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm terrible at poems. Potato.

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Q: What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white? A: Alive

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people can be soooo loud!!!!!!! sooo loud that they wake up helen keller!!!!!!

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You know how they say cats have nine lives? They don't.

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What's the difference in a big brother and a wee brother? Ones big, ones small.

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Call of Duty is a good game.

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What peels, is a fruit, yellow and tastes like a bannana? A bannana.

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Why did the guy jump out of the plane? he was parachuting

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A jewish man walks into a bar and then gets hit in the testicles. he now has testicular cancer.

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black I am blind

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What do you call a kid with down syndrome and no arms? Whatever his name is.

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Does 2 + 2 = fish? No.

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A frog walked into a bar. Except by frog I meant Frenchman, and by bar I meant English pub. The Englishmen in the bar kill the Frenchman in a display of territoriality.

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What is old and fancy and comes in two pieces? Marie Antoinette.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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