So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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Simon says.. Nothing because he is deaf, so therefor he would have to sign it to you.

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How do you make a tissue dance? You really can't, but you could grab it and shake it around so it looks like its dancing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. | | + | + + + + Why did the chicken get run over the farmers tractor? Because the chicken crossed the road and didn't look both ways before crossing and didn't see the tractor that ran him over. P.S. The chicken died and the farmer was arrested for animal abuse.

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, Ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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Q:Why did the man fall down the stairs? A:Because someone pushed him down.

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies? A large Albanian man jizzing on the pile.

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kushagra tyagi

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Roses are black Violets are black I lost my eyesight at two years old and all I see is black.

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What is the difference between and Jew and a Boy Scout? The Boy Scout comes back from camp.

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I woke up today

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. The farmer quickly saw the chicken escaping and grabbed it before it caught any dangerous outside diseases, making his entire flock go bad, and therefore making the farmer go bankrupt.

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Wanna here a funny joke... Trevor michael dyess's social life.

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what has wheels and can fly and is purple? A plane i lied about the color purple

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Q: How many Jews can you fit in a 4-seater car? A: 4

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- Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Repeat falls off, who's left? - Pete? - F**k yes.

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why did the chicken cross the road. to get to the other side. but it didnt. ROADKILL

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There are two cows in a field. One cow says to the other - 'Are you afraid of the mad cow disease?' The other cow says - 'No, cuz I'm a duck.'

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"CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!" -Spongebob

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An american, a french and a japanese walk into a bar. They are colleagues from the International University of Florida, used to go out together.

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Vegeta, What does the scouter say about his power level? It's Over 9000!!!!!

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Why wasn't the door a door? It was a jar.

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How do you make Barack Obama upset? Stab him.

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roses are red, violets are fine, you be the six, and I'll be the nine.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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