My title of old was Satan. You humans killed my brother, ending God the holy trinity`s stay on earth, the Gods Omega. Moral: And yet you call ME? THE ANTICHRIST?!? I OFFERED HIM WATER! YOU OFFERED HIM TORTURE AND DEATH!

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What's the difference between Timmy and a car? Timmy can be brutally murdered.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was attached to the first! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game! Why did the fridge fall out of the tree? The branch broke! Why did Sally fall off her bike? She got hit by three monkeys and a fridge!

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why did the pyromaniac burn down the house? because he is a pyronaniac, he derives pleasure from burning things.

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a horse walkes into a bar... never mind that's just Sarah Jessica Parker

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Help, this is an urgent message from the S.S. Obesity. We're sinking; I can't imagine why.

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Nancy Kerrigan walks into a club

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what did "A" and "B" look for when they went to the beach? what are you talking about? letters cannot travel!

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George Bush.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side of the road because apparently their was something on the other side that appealed to the chicken. It was probably your mom.

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Justin Beiber's Talent.

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How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? ...You mean, you don't know?

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Why do you never want to party with Lindsay Lohan? Because she's a drug abuser and a terrible influence.

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Whats funnier than a massacre? Everything.

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a man walks into a bar several people leave as they can see the potential danger in the situation. - the man (also so known as a hippo) was Matt Ross

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What do a vampire and a ginger have in common they're both afraid of the sunligh- oh wait this anti jokes ohhhhhhh oh well

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why did the shark bite the surf board? It thought it was turtle.

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Did u hear what happened to that man with no arms and no legs who tried to play water polo? No, what happened He drowned....

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What did the cow say to the other cow? "Baaa", he had an identity crisis.

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What's worse than having to tie one of your shoelaces after walking 5 miles? Getting a 56 year old mixture of blood, urine and sperm injected in your asshole.

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One guy asks another guy, "Why did the sleeping man get sucked into the sinkhole?" The other guy replies, "I don't know, I heard about that a few months ago, it seems highly improbable statistically. "

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How many black people does it take to complete the simplest task such as washing their own hair? A shitload! thats why slavery was so populer back in the day. (and gays were big then to because they had to shower together to remember to wash their hair.)

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What did the blind, deaf and dumb boy get for Christmas? Cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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