A black man has just died on your porch. What do you do? Immediately call for medical assistance and perform CPR.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Half a shit.

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What did the mexican fireman call his twin sons? nothing. they were stillborn

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Q. Why did Justin Beiber fall off the ladder? A. He was trying to reach puberty

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What hapenz when u drnk very hot cup of tea after lunch ............:-> nothing ... Cup becomes empty

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. But if you answered poop you aren't wrong.

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A: knock knock B: the door is open, why don't you come right in?

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A dirty joke Three white horse's are walking down a trail one falls in the mud

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How come the dog didn't want to go into the sun? -Because it didn't want to turn into a hotdog.

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"Smithers, I'm home!" "What, already?" "Yes."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get slaughtered.

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my gramma died

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A Sloth runs...

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what did the tree say when it fell down? Nothing it is humanly impossible for a tree to talk. Especially after it fell down. I mean that would hurt.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Q: What's the difference between a child dressing as a ghost for Halloween and a real ghost? A: About a tablespoon of arsenic.

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a kid walks into a room and confesses to his mother he is gay the mother then repeatedly beats him until he is bleeding out of both ears then leaves him there to think about what he just said.

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What's grey and can't swim? A Castle

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why did the little boy fall over? he was hit in the face by a salmon.

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There was a horse in a very hot sumer day. He was in the middle of corn field It was so hot that the corns started popping out. The horse thought it was snowing and died of cold.

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Why did the old man miss the Alzheimer's Day walk? Because he died in his sleep.

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How many dead hookers can you fit in a trunk? Five

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Why did the 16 year old black kid drop out of high school? He started a successful small business selling mixtapes.

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Out of Jill, Jason, Jesse, Jane and Harold, which one is the odd one out? Jason, because he only has one arm.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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