What's the difference between a lamp?

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? A guy in mud.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

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Patient: "So what seems to be the problem doc? Doctor: "I'm afraid you have AIDS. I'm sorry."

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He was wandering because he was lost and got hit by a car in the process.

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What's worse, a dead baby or an abortion? A dead baby on a bayonet

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Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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Whats the difference between a Bicycle and a duck? They Both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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What do you call a black man in space An astronaut

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What did the walrus say to the Penguin. It said MAHHRGH. because walruses can't really talk

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What is funnier than a dead baby? almost everything. there is nothing funny about a dead baby.

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What did Stevie Wonders wife do when they got into fights? Re-Arrange the furniture

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Q: What did the tree say as he fell? A: Studies have shown plants in general do not have a voice box, thus making plants incapable of speaking.

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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How do you say the weekend in French? The weekend in French.

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-Knock, knock! -Who is it? -Me

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What do you do to get someone to shut up? You hit with a brick

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Your mom is so ugly, that her job prospects are affected negatively, and your family suffers as a consequence.

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Dont be mean Dyslexics are teople poo

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aa

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a well respected member of the community.

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Why did old Dorris shit herself? Because Margaret fell over.

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you know what is so funny hillary clinton!!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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