A man walks into a bar, he sits down.

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How do you approach a hot guy in the library? Very quietly.

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You are in a room with no doors and no windows. All you have a chainsaw and a mirror. How do you get out? You don't and will slowly die a painful death of asphyxiation.

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Patient: "Doctor, I have a strawberry stuck in my bum" Doctor: "Well, that's an awfully peculiar place to keep a strawberry. What were you thinking?"

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There are three muffins sitting in an oven. The first one says nothing. The second one also says nothing. They're just muffins and muffins can't talk.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Many of people would like to know this question. We have not invented a mind reading device and chickens can't communicate with humans. So no one knows

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How do you kill a dead baby? You can't, it's already dead.

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A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Roses are red And heres something new Violets are violet They're not friggin blue

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Bob: If two negatives make a positive, what would be an anti-anti-joke? Tim: An anti-joke

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I have a little dog. She likes being tossed high into the air. I need a new little dog as the last one was caught by a gust carrying here over the sound-dividing highway wall and dropped into traffic.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

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it smells like up dog in here. whats that?

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What's black, white and red all over? A cow after slaughter.

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A Black man walks into a bar. He then has a drink of Alcohol and walks home to return to his family.

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What did Chuck Norris say when he stubbed his toe? "Oh shit I stubbed my toe."

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Your mumma is so fat that she wears large clothes.

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HOW MANY CRACK-HEADS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? NONE, THERE AIN'T NO ELECTRICITY IN THE CRACKHOUSE!!!

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How long does it take for britney spears to change a light bulb? Fish can not leave the water without dieing.

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One day a priest walked into a prison to bring lost souls to the Lord.....Not his best idea.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer Roses are red

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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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Why is the black man in the ghetto? He is a cop and is trying to solve a murder that was committed a couple days ago.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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