Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint

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Knock knock Whos there? Sorry, wrong house,goodbye!

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A depressed man walks into a bar. He has a drink and heads back to his apartment. On the way he was killed by another man attempting to commit suicide due to depression.

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If Tiger Woods is Asian and Black what is he? A golfer!

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why couldn't the tree grow? Because I cut it down with a chainsaw

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Yo momma so stupid, she had you.

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What's the difference between a vegetable and my son? Nothing

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the stock market crashed 600 points today, and his retirement account took a hit. He can't afford his car anymore.

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Doctor! doctor! I feel like a bridge! That's the least of your problems you've got cancer by ndc

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What do you call a fly without wings? A rather unfortunate physical disability

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how makes licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? depends on how determined you are to find out

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How many dead hookers can you fit in a trunk? Five

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What do you get if you cross if you cross an overweight woman with a pair of very tight trousers? Exactly that, an overweight woman in inappropriately tight torusers.

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why was the little boy sad? because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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A girl and a boy where sitting on a couch together. The boy told the girl politly that she hass gained a significant amount of weight and should lose it. She then pulled out a candy bar in her back pocket and shoved it down his throat, to which he suffocated, because she was on her period when to comment was made.

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde go on vacation in Hawaii. They plan to swim to the next island. The brunette and redhead do it with no problem. The blonde swims halfway and realizes she is tired. She continues to swim straight ahead knowing her friends are already at the next island.

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Wanna hear a joke? YEAH! Hold on. Okay, tell me when to let go.

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How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

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Hey Eliza, thanks, while I appreciate the help, Alice is crying in a corner and refusing to get up, I wont lie, for a moment there I could "see voices and music" and valium has taken care of the ptsd (and blown most of my brain, which is nice for a change). With that said, im on 40 mg ritalin which is a lot, but I need it, besides I can handle the anxiety. I have no idea who the guy typing this is, but he is following me to the letter, so thats good enough, except his typos being worse than mine, which is pretty good for a guy that barely speaks english. Sorry Eliza, but Alice is having a breakdown here, ill talk her down a bit first, she tries to hide it, but she is far more worried about me than I am, which is nice, just not like this, ill be right back with you.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas? A long sleeve shirt

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A blonde is rowing a boat in a cornfield. While driving by, another blonde notices and pulls over and steps out of her car. She looks out and yells "You know, it's blondes like you that are giving us a bad name. If you weren't so far out, I would swim out there and beat the shit outta you!"

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watch a i d s left

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Q: How did the black man get the white man's money? A: He walked up, politely asked if he could borrow some money, and told him he would pay him back tomorrow.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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