Boy: Excuse me, do you have a cigarette? Man: First let me see your ID. Boy: I don't have an ID Man: Well, how much money do you have? Boy: 50 cents Man: Sorry, I don't have any cigarettes. Boy: Good job, I'm actually undercover cop and you sir are a good citizen for not giving a minor cigarettes. Man: Cool, do I get a reward? Boy: Yes, you will receive a good citizen award and free $50 coupon. Man: Thank you! Boy: Can I have a cigarette now? Man: I wasn't lying when I said I didn't have any cigarettes. Boy: Okay, have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Where do you find a quadriplegic? Where you left him

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What do Elephants never forget? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I man sees a shooting star and makes a wish. Nothing happens as shooting stars are incapable of granting wishes.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the Smartie get fired from the M&M factory? For throwing out all the W&Ws

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Yeah I was beginning to enjoy that as well, but I used "timed hypnosis" I have not seen it been coined elsewhere yet, not that I learn hypnosis anymore, I kinda teach it covertly to whoever I believe can use it responsively. "Timed hypnosis" is not really based upon a set amount of time after all time is relative, and our subconcious does know that and the subconcius understands that we did not invent time just because we made some fucking dials spin around" Now, timed hypnosis is based on a purpose, for example: "I will go into a trance until I am done teaching my new buddy how covert hypnosis works and teach her to use it subconciously" But now I made you aware of that, so you can use it consciously as well, the real magic here is that the subconcious is so much more efficient and powerful than the conscious mind that it would not even be neccesary to have a concious mind, except for one thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

pickles are green infection is yellow all the girls i know call me a good fellow

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's worse than getting dumped? Being molested by a crazy hobo

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did the white guy say when a black man punched him? Ow, i am sueing for assault. that is a crime

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Roses are red Violets are blue I have altzhiemers Cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why can no one in africa read or write? I would asume the lack of public education combined with the fact that setting up an education system for so many widespread remote comunities would be a logistical nightmare. But then again I have never been to africa and know little about the country and so the premise of this joke is probably a dramatic overstatement in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Q: How many Jews can fit in a car? A: 5 in a standard mid sized sedan, or 7 in an SUV

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Q: What did the German say to the Jew? A: Guten Tag.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple? being wrongly accussed of a crime you didnt commit because of your race, and being put on death row

thumb_up thumb_down -27

April showers bring May flowers! And what do May flowers bring? Bees. Lots and lots of bees.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

You know your in deep shit when you hit somebody in the head with a 2 by 4 and they dont go down.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the man's pants fall down? He was not wearing a belt and had recently lost some weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A lil girl walks in to a bar........................ all a sudden a giant purple bunny jump up into her butt... now every time she poops its an easter egg hunt. LBall

thumb_up thumb_down -27

why did mad is on home s walk becuaes a isnt a number

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q: How many jews can you fit in a car? A: Well, it varies on the size of the car and the size of the people entering the car so in reality there is no clear answer due to the lack of information given.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was attached to a bomb filled with spoons

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the man sad? Cause his dog fell off a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops