when there's trouble lurking in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? The local authorities.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the little boy nervous about playing with the little girl? Because she had gonorrhea.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? He saw a bottle of Faygo on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference between zev hatis and a dwarf Nothing. They are both midgets and are going to die by the age of 25

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did Pikachu say to Charmander? Nothing. Pokemon are fictional creatures, and thus, do not exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Girl: How do I know if I'm Jewish? Guy: Are you Jewish? Girl: No. Guy: There ya go.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -14

two people are falling out of a plane, a blond and a brunnete who hit the ground first. the blond, the brunnete brought a parachute

thumb_up thumb_down -14

An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Koalas mum is a slut

thumb_up thumb_down -14

tell ur mom i love her before i die this would have been a better ending to the tintanic

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did FiddleBob Joe chuck a stick of butter out the window? Because he wanted to see a butter fly

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock knock Who's there? Cow Cow who? If you really think about it, it's really now

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Your mom is so fat that she has high cholesterol. Moral: I AM NOT CRAZY! Said the man to the dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Depending on the amount of saliva you produce each lick the answer to this question varies species to species.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the chicken kross the road? It didn't because it was a highway and it got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Gregory: Hey, aren't you that pretty girl I saw from the party? Jenny: Huh? Gregory: No wait, it can't be you. Because you are WAY prettier. Jenny: Aw, that's so sweet, lemme give you my phone number. Gregory: Okay I'm ready to copy Jenny: It's 1-800-get-a-life-loser Gregory: Biitch

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Im batman...suck it losers

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Hitler walks up to a little girl at a concentration camp: - How old are you? - I'm turning 7 tomorrow! - Nope.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black? You would still call them the Flintsones

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A bunch of nuns were riding a three-seat bicycle. The seats were comfy and no one complained.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops