- Anti Joke

What's worse than waking up next to an ugly girl? Waking up, sealed in a coffin which is floating on a raft traversing through shark-infested waters. Oh, and the raft is on fire.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven.

DON'T TOUCH MY DUCK, IT HAS A ONE DOLLAR BILL

Two octopuses are swimming in the ocean. Suddenly a scuba diver spots one of the octopus. The octopus looks at the human and swims away.

Where did Jonathon go after he died? - Burger King, he died from diabetes

What do you call a horse with no legs? Useless.

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree He was stapled to the first monkey Why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? its a refridgerator Why did the third monkey jump out of the tree It thought it was a game

A woman was in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband. Shortly after she brings the sandwich to him and he thanks her seeing as his disabled legs prevent him from walking to the kitchen and making one himself. His wife later heads to her job as a firefighter.

You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

How many people of a certain demographic does it take to change a light bulb? x+1 (x >0), 1 person to change the lightbulb and x to behave in a manner consistent with the established stereotype of said demographic.

1st person: What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? 2nd person: I don't know 1st person: A Jew is a follower of the zionist faith and a pizza is a popular food invented in Italy and comes with your choice of several delicious toppings. 2nd person: But not all Jews follow zionism 1st person: Well some places restrict your choice of toppings. Whats your point?

If Apple made a house, would it have Windows?

Why did michael jackson wear white gloves around young boys? His doctor recommended that he do so due to bad circulation.

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was attached to the first! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game! Why did the fridge fall out of the tree? The branch broke! Why did Sally fall off her bike? She got hit by three monkeys and a fridge!

Robert Mugabe.

What did the dancing amphibious landing craft say to the carrot faced caterpillar? wanna get in its cold

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

An Asian walks into a bar and says, "1???????????"

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

Well, there's one way...

R: Caught my wife cheating the other night. P: You bitter? R: Yes. I am.

Q:whats big white and falls out of trees A:a refrigerator

whats funnier than 24? 25

Why was the Jewish man in jail? He lit a local CVS on fire.

What did the man do when the woman broke up with him? He changed his facebook status to single.