What did the doctor say to the morbidly obese man? "You should get on a diet. It's a surprise you're even alive for so long with such a bad heart" The next day the man dies while eating celery.

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? Because she is enjoying the meal her husband has prepared for her after a long day at her second full-time job of the day

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Two men walked into a bar. I'm surprised the second man did not duck out of the way.

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Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

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hey did you hear about Osama bin laden? He was found by the CIA and killed on account of his atrocious actions.

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How many dead babies can fit in the trunk of my car? Seven.

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roses are red, violets are blue, {insert name here} is f**ked up, (s)he want to have sex with you

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What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys. The owner of a basketball team

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A frog walked into a bar. Except by frog I meant Frenchman, and by bar I meant English pub. The Englishmen in the bar kill the Frenchman in a display of territoriality.

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A Pool Table.

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what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A- a tv

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- Why Mexicans have small steering wheels in their cars? - Because of this they are able to drive a car in handcuffs.

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Why couldnt jim jump rope? His feet were nailed to the ground.

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Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

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Hey you know what? What? Never mind.

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Is your refridgerator running? good, because if it wasn't then your food would spoil.

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I was going to write a racist joke but there was too many black people watching me.

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why is pie good. because it just is.

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What did the cow say to the butcher? At least I'm not a Jew.

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A woman walks into the living room while her husband is watching tv. The husband tells her "Make me a Sandwich", so she goes to the kitchen and makes him a sandwich like shes told to.

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A man walks in to a bar with a frog stapled to his head. The bar tender says What the heck is that. The frog says I don't know this thing has been coming out of my but for two days

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Jack and Jill went up a hill to snort a little coke, Jack felt horny , so did Jill. But unfortunately Jack cant's maintain an erection no matter how turned on he is.

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Q: What's purple and eats desks. A: My dog.

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Why can't helen Keller read? She's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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