Whats better than winning an award? Not having your family shot to death

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Knock knock Who's there? Miley Cyrus Holy moly, please come in! Here's your Miley Cyrus CD you order online Thanks you Mr. Mail Man

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stephen hawking walks into a bar...

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead why did the dog fall out of the tree? because it was attached to the monkey

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What is black, white and red all over? A black, white and red pen.

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how did the girl die? she read all of your terrible anti-jokes.

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You wanna hear a clean joke? Mary takes a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is a man.

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What do you call Ed Milliband after he's been decapitated? Dead Milliband.

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What's black and is as fast as a car? A black car.

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Person 1 Hey man what's up Person 2 nothing much I just impregnated your mom

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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Why couldn't Gladice get out of bed? Because she was dead!

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Roses are Red Violets are blue You little stupid ass bitch I ain't fucking with you

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Your cat was in pain after after a stack of books suddenly fell on it. It's pain is extra-strong so you give it ExtraStrength Tylenol. Guess what happens next time? Nothing. It takes only 50mg to 60mg of Tylenol to poison a cat. 1 ExtraStrength Tylenol tablet is about 10 times that amount (500mg). You killed your cat. It's dead now and there is no "next time"..

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How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagon? 2 in the front seat, 3 in the back.... and that's it because the holocaust never happened.

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like most people my age. im 27

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, Vacuum, purple, zebra.

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What do you call a guy eating a sandwich? Whatever his name is.

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What's green fury has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you. A pool-table

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Q. How did the blind man cross the road A. By an abmulance which took him to the hospital because his first attempt to cross was unsuccessful and the hospital was conventeintly located on the other side of the road.

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Two muffins were in an oven. One of them said, "It's sure hot in here!" The other muffin didn't respond because it's dead.

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Santa Clause, a smart blonde, and the Queen of England all jump out of a plane, which hits the ground first? Galileo's theory tells us that all objects fall at the same speed regardless of weight, so they all hit simultaneously.

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Q: What would happen if you threw a red brick into the black sea? A: It would get wet.

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Your wife died during the delivery.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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