what the hell happened to your face

thumb_up thumb_down +28

what's the difference between a duck? one leg is the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Women's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the nintendo Wii say as it went down the slide? They don't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why was the old lady hard of hearing? She spent many of her young days blasting hard rock from her speakers/

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the man with brain cancer die? He drove his Segway off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

There was a Mexican in a bomb shop ?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You walk in to your room. 7 chickens on your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down

what's funnier than a dead baby in a clown costume? philanthropy

thumb_up thumb_down

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What runs faster than a nigger with a stolen tv? His brother with the remote

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red, violets are blue, why am i even talking to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the golfer take an extra pair of pants to the golf course? In case they ripped and he needed a replacement.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Whats worse than falling down the stairs? Falling UP the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

i was molested.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Which came first the egg or the chicken? The chicken because eggs can't cross the road

thumb_up thumb_down -76

i love u. so rate me good or i will talk to my lawyer. nothing personal, i just have no arms, legs, or nose and got broken up with by a girlfriend yesterday (and no, she was not fake) Her name was maria. On the bright side, my grandma woke up this morning!

thumb_up thumb_down -120

What happened to the boy who fell off the swing? He got hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

Knock Knock Whose there? A field full of mexicans A field full if mexicans who? F**k You

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What did the doctor say to the Lawyer? I get paid more

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops