When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in life's eyes. Then life won't trust you with lemons.

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Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

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Billy was curious if gasoline burns, so he decided to...... .... O crap I'm late for Billy's funeral.

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hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

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How many Weasleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

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How did the Black man die at the KFC? Someone killed him.

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Q: What did the dog say the cat? A: nothing, because dogs cannot speak, and even if they could, I highly doubt they would speak cat.

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What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

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Hi, how are you doing? Good, yourself? Fine, thanks. Have a nice day. You too, bye.

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What is the difference between a lion and a tiger? A lion ,on average, weighs 31 kilograms more.

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Your mom is so fat, she had liposuction.

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Woof.

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A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

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Knock Knock Nobody Nobody who? Nobody, did you not hear what I just said.

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When is a door not a door? When your burns down.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, No, violets are VIOLET, That’s why they’re called “violets.” Edmund Spenser was an idiot.

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Knock Knock Who's there? I said who's there? The man opens the door to find there was no one there and begins to shake in fear as his schizophrenia is getting worse.

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What's the safest way to tell a racist joke? Ask everybody who might hear the joke if they would be offended by a racist joke.

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Daniel Textor can suck a gooch he's such a F - A - GGGGG!! Let's beat him up at lunch.

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Say silk 5 times. Silk Silk Silk Silk Silk Now what do cows drink? Water.

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im jacob, i have as much hair on my penis as mr macs head.....none.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to KFC for his job interview

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A duck walks into a bar, clearly ignoring the 'No Ducks Allowed' sign that had been placed in the window to prevent comedic scenarios.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops