What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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I know where you live. No seriously im looking at you through your window. 80% of you just checked. 90% of you didnt realize i just ended that statement with a question mark. 100% of you just checked gotcha

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A man comes home from work and finds his wife in bed with his next-door neighbor. Furious, he shouts 'What's the meaning of this?!' And his wife answers 'A pronoun used to identify a specific person or thing close at hand or being indicated or experienced'.

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What happens when your scared half to death...twice!!? Nothing, being scared half to death is an expression, you should not be fearing for your life.

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How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb?

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How do you minimize the likelihood of theft? Take the derivative.

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How many dead babies can fit in a dead horse 11

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why was the old man on the ground he fell

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When is a door not a door? When your burns down.

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That day where Captain America becomes too weak and frail to hold his own shield.

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Why did the man dig his nose? because everyone digs their nose

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Why don't people say YOLO anymore? They all died in car crashes while texting and driving.

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Whats worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm? Having a Hippo give you head.

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What's the difference between a plane and a Muslim dentist? A plane hasn't dedicated its life to the study of dentistry

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Why is this joke hilarious? Because it isn't.

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What is the cow doing? Because 7,8,9

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I drove my Chevy to the levy. It was dry.

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Wal-mart didn't have the product I wanted. So I yelled at the manager until they had it. It didn't work and i was taken to jail.

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I'm wet Ew you perv.. Stop thinking like that ! I just took a shower.

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Why couldn't Sammy ride a Bicycle? -Because Sammy is a Fish

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I blacked out last night and have a sore ass." The doctor took some x-rays and informed him he had colon cancer.

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why was the giraffes head so far away from his body? because he has a long neck

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Whats the first thing you do when your grandmother gets hit by a toaster? Buy a new toaster.

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TOP COMMENT IS MINE!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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