Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because it broke...

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q.How many dinosaur species can jump as high as a house? A.All of them, houses can't jump

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Hi... your father has testicular cancer and he will die in 2 months....

thumb_up thumb_down +25

So a guy with a machine gun walks into a bank, makes a deposite and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q. whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A. A jew is a human of the jewish religion, and a pizza is food.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Dakota Fanning

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Roses are red Violets are blue we're going to have sex because i'm stronger than you

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you get if you cross a Kangaroo and a Sheep? They are too entirely different species and cannot be crossbred.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You smell just like a black person. With your nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why was the American patriot sad that Bin-Laden was killed? Because he wanted to take him back to America to touture him.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge? Because she saw the salad dressing

thumb_up thumb_down +25

2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man shouts a women crossing the road "Oi, get your rat out love!" So she did, and it savaged his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Who is the best person to do your nails with? Nobody, you have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

what worse than bitting into an apple and finding a worm bitting into a worm and finding an apple

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I saw 2 jews talking. I threw in a penny and watched them fight to the death. I did the same with 2 catholic preasts exept I threw in a baby boy

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the priest do to the young catholic boy? Bless him.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Knock Knock! Who’s there? Alligator! I'm positively sure that Alligators are unable to talk, now please tell me who this is before I call the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the ant say when he walked in the club. . . Nothing he was immediately stepped on.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops