What's the difference between chili and a urologist? One is hot and spicy and the other analyzes urine.

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What do you call a car that doesn't work? Broken.

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Guy gets new car. TRANFORMER!

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whats the difference between ur mom and my mom? nothing i slept with both of them

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how did hitler lure the jews onto trains to concentration camps? he told them he hid a penny in one of the cars

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A white guy, a black guy, and an asian guy jump off a bridge. Who hits the ground first? It doesn't matter. They are all going to die.

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What did George Washington say to his men before they got on a boat? Men, get on the boat

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Want to hear a joke? Me too.

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Three men walked into a bar. None were injured because they were all wearing hard hats as is the procedure for a construction site.

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Why was the turkey killed? Because this particular turkey lived on a farm and a supermarket was paying the farmer a reasonable price to sell it.

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What do you call a New Zealander with 1000 lovers? A shepard

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What do you say to a dead man who knocks on your door? Nothing, you shoot him cause he's a zombie

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Why didn't the lolipop taste like anything to the boy beacuse he was aborted

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yo mama's so fat because when women are pregnet thay gain weight for there child to feed on

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What did the black man say to the other black man? We both share the same ethnicity

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Reminds me of when I was a teen, I was working at an elderly home, and there was this really really old woman, and she was leaning forward towards me on her wheelchair, one of her hands accidentally near my crotch, I mean this granny was really senile and shit. Then she went all like, you really like it when I touch you there don't you? I mean it was not the best nor the fastest one, but all that excitement "OMG WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT BY A COLLEAGUE WHILE A 89 YEAR OLD WAS JACKING ME OFF!" Really made it all special folks... Especially when I got caught, it was like OMG STRESS ORGASM HOLY DONT CUM NOOOAAAARGHHHH!!!!!! WOHOOOOOO! I walked outta there like a champ, I was like 18 and my girlfriend/colleague which caught me was like, 27, and the next week she was 32, and before you know it, she was 46 on facebook... Thats like you know... Too old or something...

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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Q:Whats worse than stubbing your toe? A: Watching a terrorist saw your dads arm off.

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Knock Know Who's there? Not your dog, he just got run over.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she has no arms

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A Man Walks into a Bar with a Dog. He is blind, and is promptly guided to his seat by other patrons.

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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Did you hear the one about the streetlight? It only came on at night.

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A man walks into a bar. As he walks in, numerous people turn their heads in awe. Is it... it can't be. It's Paul McCartney, the famous musician! "Oh - I'm not Paul McCartney". The man then said. "I just look a lot like him. Sorry." "Awww. That's a shame." said John Lennon, disappointed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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