Im Harold Camping.... and i enjoy scaring the shit out of you

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Half a shit.

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What do black people eat? Food.

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A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

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Why do white people not eat crackers? Cause it's cannabalism.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in an apple? Getting shot in the gut What's worse than that? Getting raped in the hole made by the bullet

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Why did the student get expelled from a Christian school? He continually beat other students between class periods.

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A guy walked into a bar. He got drunk. He hit a small child with his Suburu and was charged with a DUI.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse begins bucking wildly, injuring three patrons before breaking through the front door.

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B=boy G=girl B:hey i got a good nock nock joke but you have to start it G:okay nock nock B:whos there?

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

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A black man sees a watch that he want. He then purchases it with his hard earned money.

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Why was the blonde confused? Because she had 10 second memory loss.

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Why was the baseball player happy? He got married.

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Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

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What is about the size of a sausage, flesh-colored and looks like a penis, if you illuminate it with a flashlight on monday nights? - a penis.

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Yo Mama is so stupid, she believes in God. While her faith has absolutely nothing to do with her intelligence and in 2014 only the most bigoted and stupid people would demean people based on their religion,she does have an IQ of 65 and is therefore believed to be mentally inadequate. It's really quite sad.

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an athiest walks into a church

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Women's Rights

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A muslim walks through a medal detector before the entrance of the airport terminal. The alarm goes off and he is arrested by TSA officials, they open his jacket and find 30lbs of high explosives.

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A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

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Doctor Doctor i have a shoe in my braces. I bet it smells haha.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops