a blonde walks in to a bar, the bar tender gives him a free drink because he's a man and it's nazi germany

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why was the man denied his teaching job? because he is a wanted cerial killer in 43 states.

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What's worse than finding another worm in your apple? Another Holocaust

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Why did old Mary fall off the cliff? There were no brakes on her wheelchair

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What do you call people in a plane crash? Whatever, i wasn't on the plane.

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Knock knock. Come right on in.

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There is two guys named tard and retard on a boat in shallow water. they both fall off. Who gets back up onto the boat? - Obviously Tard because ur dealing with a retard here.

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue.

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Why was the boy in the hospital? He was visiting his grandmother, she had cancer and the doctor gave her 3 months to live.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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Why did the little boy run away from the beach? Hurricane Irene.

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Q: How do you solve a problem like Maria. A: You kill her. You kill Maria.

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Why is there a black president? Cause you voted for him. Thanks! Dick.

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Well, its Eliza again, sorry to bother you Nero, I always thought you where good looking but I know that when it comes to you its not about the looks, you are far more than meets the eye. Neo-Nero was the guy we met at a certain meeting, the arrogant guy with the big forehead whose arms where shaking remember? I wont reveal more for his sake, he did not mean bad, he was just angry like the rest of us and felt responsible, again like many of us. So when can we meet you? I assume you wont be arriving soon, but Id really apreciate seeing you again, and considering neither I nor my parents (I asked them) have the money to come visit you, id appreciate a loan or something.

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.why did 6 hate 7 and 8? because they were blocking her from 9!

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Roses are red Bob is dead My name is Dave Your a microwave

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his problem is destroying his family.

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Can we still mine for gold in the American River? No, anyone seen mining for gold is considered a hobo and all the gold is cleared out by random people in the 17 century

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How do you put a baby to sleep? Snap its neck.

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what's the worst part of your kid dying the clean up

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Roses r Red Violets r Blue I'm schizophrenic So am i too!

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Q: Why was the black guy afraid of the chainsaw A: It was cutting his arm off

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What is red and fluffy?... Your teddy bear covered in blood...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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