What do astronauts do if the want a party? They planet

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What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

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What does little Tommy and a tomato have in common? They are both vegetables. Oh wait, a tomato is a fruit.

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Picture This, you are going down the freeway in a yellow four-door banana, going 75 mph and all 4 tires blow out, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? Theres no bones in ice cream.

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A guy walks into a bar and says "ouch!" The bartender says "are you okay?" "Yeah I just stubbed my toe" Then the guy walks it off, and then orders a drink.

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Giant scorpions, red roses, adoption, the holocaust, bars, changing light bulbs, and fridges.

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What is black and likely to fail? A chain smokers lungs.

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"So can we take the rest of the schoolday off?" the students asked. The teacher then asked: "Why?" The students explained: "Because some of us live far away and it's impossible to get through the masses of snow, especially if the snowfall continues like this." "Well, I can't give you time off, because the principal haven't said it has snowed enough just yet." he responded.

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Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash ... now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

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What is worst than 1 baby dead in a microwave? 2 babies dead in the same microwave !

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your mom is so fat, she uses nutrisystem and other weight-loss systems to try to loose weight.

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How can you tell that the Filipino presidential candidate Grace Poe is an alien? From her extra set of retractable jaws and highly acidic body fluids.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

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two snow men standing in a field and one says to the other can you smell carrots

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How do Germans treat the Jewish? Kindly, and with much hospitality.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping? Well you should be very concerned because he hasn't been found in 4 years.

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How do you get your mom off a clown? hit your mom with an axe

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How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? none, you can't see them in the dark. Vincent

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Chuck Norris." "Chuck Norris who?" "NOBODY SAYS 'CHUCK NORRIS WHO'!!!"

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Q. What did batman say to Robin before they got in the car? A. Get in the car Robin.

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A dyslexic man gets asked what 1+1 is, he replies with a wopping 11. Grats <3

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i said call 911 and they said whats the number?

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A blind man walks into a bar. But he wasn't hurt badly and continued on his way.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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