whats a muslims name with a bomb to his chest Whatever his name is HAHAHAHAHAH

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Three french men are in the car wearing sombreros. They're trying to get to Disney World.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q. What do you call a Widow's Husband? A. Dead...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What do blueberries, oranges, watermelons, doors, curtains, backpacks, spoons, asian men, bicycles, asian men on bicycles, shrimp, books, eagles, dinosaurs, watermelons wearing backpacks filled with shrimp and orange spoons, feet, limes, binders, paper, candles, chicken nuggets, tvs, chairs, floors, refridgerators, and humidifiers have in common? Barnes and Noble

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's the difference between 31 dead hookers and a Lamborghini? One is a traumatizing tragedy that left at least 31 poor families mourning for their loved ones, whom were only trying to make a living in what is a terrible economy and were unable find a better job, and the other is an overpriced sports car.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what do you call a black man with a knife in his hand? a surgeon.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How did the blonde reply to the male man when he asked how she was? "I'm good."

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What do you call a black man on a rope swing? Usually whatever his first name is, but if he goes by a nickname you should use that

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What do you call a man with an arrow to the knee? An ambulance because he's got a serious leg injury right there.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Q:How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? A:Depends on the volume of said tub.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A lion, a tiger, and a bear walk down the side of the road. This is what I observed last week in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Whats white, fat, and looks like a horse? An albino horse who apparently has a high chance of diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family...

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Q: What did Michael Jackson do while he was preparing for his newest world tour? A: He died.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Want to hear a joke? Jerry Sandusky's innocence

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's the difference between ice cream and babies? I don't stick babies in my freezer...

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did Billy say when he met the president? Nice to meat you Mr. President? -Louis

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Roses are red violets are blue I'm black give me money

thumb_up thumb_down -29

You wanna hear a touching story? Once a pon a time you died. The end. (all anti jokes posted by me will be adressed with -blarg)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did Adam Sandler get for Christmas? Nothing, he's Jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Roses are red Violets are blue I would love you But you are too ugly and overweight

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did the loser say to the winner? Good game

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Yo mama's so fat she needed a toilet that had a bigger seat (just like me)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops