A guy walks into a restaurant. "What would you like?" says the waiter. "A glass of orange juice," replies the man.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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A man named Carl walks into a bar and sees another man named Ed who has purple skin and is holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other. Carl approaches Ed and asks, "Why is your skin purple and why are you holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other?" Ed replies stating, "Well its actually a pretty funny story. I was sailing near cape cod and a saw a large whale jump out of the water, and that gave me a really good idea. So I sailed home immediately and wrote a very detailed novel about my days in Vietnam. The book was a success and I was able to make a large amount of money. However, unfortunately I became addicted to cocaine and wasted all of my money and had to live on the streets. Since then, I have cleaned up my act and am working again and have a house. I decided to treat myself to a night out and so I came here and painted myself purple. Then, I found this chinchilla and policeman's helmet on the floor and decided to hold onto it until I find the owner. Now that I think about it, that story isn't very funny. I apologize." Carl then accepted the apology and the two had a drink together and are still good friends today.

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How was a blonde woman able to get into Harvard? She was smart and had a very good SAT score.

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whats funny about female tennage life? SELF HARM OOOOO YEAHHHH

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Remember when the new jokes on this sight actually used to be funny?

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What did the virgin say to the car salesmen? Hello, I'm really interested in buying a car today.

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Knock Knock: There is no one in here! GTFO! Okay, yes sir or mam Moral: I told you there is no one here, gtfo already!

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When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice and let the world wonder how you made it.

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What did the man want for his birthday? Chicken dinner serves 2-3 people

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How do you kill a blond? Shoot her in the face.

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Wat do u call a priests shit Holy shit

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What did the black guy do with his gun? Shoot a deer

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Why did the butcher have blood on his hands? He murdered his daughter.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Most likely for no discernible reason as chickens are animals with poor reasoning skills.

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Yo mamma is SO fat, she is classified as fat.

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Patty cake. Which was a pretty funny catchthingie.

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What do 10 dead babies in a blender sound like? Idk because I was too busy masturbating.

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A black man, a small child, and a priest were all standing in line. They were all checking in the hospital after being in a 3 car pileup

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted to commit suicide

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What do you call a hispanic man hopping a large fence? A hispanic man hopping a large fence.

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So I was standing in line at the grocery store and this little old lady let me cut in front of her. It was neat.

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How do you put in a lightbulb? Call your local electrition

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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