What does a casino have in common with a woman liqur in the front, and poker in the back

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You've been in robotics too long if you start talking to your tools. You've been in there way too long if they start talking back!

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What is the difference between a white man and black man who are facing each other? They have different rights.

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Q: What did the passengers think of thier Chineese bus driver? A: They were very pleased with the bus driver's service, for he was a very safe driver and got them to their destination on time.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend? My girlfriend is alive and 19 years older.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

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There are two cows standing in a wide, green field eating hay. The first cow says: "Moo". The second cows says: "Thats funny, I was about to say that."

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A girl accidentally clicks on an advertisement while on anti-jokes.com, the girl silently curses and quickly presses the back button.

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An elderly man farts during Sunday morning mass. The children around him laugh and then their parents remind them to be respectful.

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what do you call a monkey? a monkey

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Roses are red violets are blue I have altimers cheese on toast Srry bout the spelling. I couldn't REMEMBER!

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whats the difference between ebola and a can of dead babies? i have ebola. this isnt funny at all.

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Morning wood.

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penis

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What did the boy say when he got hit by a car? Nothing, he punctured his lungs.

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Why isn't Abraham Lincoln on Mount Rushmore? Because he doesn't have a helicopter and he's dead.

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You know what really pisses me off? When I drink too much coffee.

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Q. why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? A. it said concentrate.

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Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

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Why does mcguigan get made fun of ? Because he is gay with Jack Walsh

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Aww Eliza, thanks for being around in spirit, dont leave yet, I am kinda having breathing problems, and Alice says my something levels are dropping because I need solid food, please dont leave, I cant tell time even with a watch, but would you mind waiting a bit? Ill eat fast, somehow.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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All the kids at school we're playing soccer on a sunny day except Jenny, because she had a headache and didn't come to school that day

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How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? one, its a fairly easy task

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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