A husband said to his wife, "If you want to have sex, stroke my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, just say so and I will respect your decision, though I may be disappointed."

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Elephant. Elephant who? Seatbelt.

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Yo momma's so fat she went to Antartica and all the penguins were like, "Woah. You're fat."

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what did the apple say to the peer... I taste better !!

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Wanna hear a joke? Your life.

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four score and seven years ago. . sharks with frickn laser beams attached to their FRICKeN HEADs.

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A man was found dead, in an ice cream van, the other day. He was covered from head to toe in hundreds and thousands, with two flakes sticking out of his ears. The police say it was a tragedy and will be informing his next of kin in the next few days.

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Which is the smallest? A. Jupiter B. Whale C. Cow D. Bracelet Answer: D

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Maybe because it had escaped from the farm and as it doesn't have full conciousness, it couldn't distinguish between grass and the asphalt, so it happened to cross the road.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Q: Why Did The Family Eat Olive Garden For Dinner A: Because it was a simple way to please everyone but letting them choose their own meal

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your mother is so fat that her doctor advised her to stick to a strict diet and exercise routine to help her lose weight

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A blonde went to a doctor for a checkup. The blonde couldn't hear the doctor 'cuz she had headphones on so the doctor took them off. A couple of minutes later she died. The doctor was curious so he put the headphones on. It was saying, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."

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why did the white man walking down the street have no hair? he had had cancer for 5 years prior.

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Are we in Tennessee? Because I recently saw on the side of the road that it was 10 miles to Memphis.

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so a black guy goes to a hot dog eating contest how many does he eat? enough to win.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his village has been ravaged by small pox.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The first is a person of the Jewish Faith and the other is a popular item of food.

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Why didn't the vampire go to the Garlic festival? Because it sucks.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by jimmy savile.

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whats worse then being a jew now? being a jew in 1942

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Whats worse than it raining on your birthday? 911

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What do you call a blue colored dog with seven legs, that oinks? not a dog...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops