A duck walks into a restraunt and sit's down at it's table. The waiter asks what the duck would like to eat. The duck says "I'd like a tasty, healthy meal that will help me lose weight." The waiter says "How about the rocket salad?" So, the duck orders a rocket salad, eat's it, pays his bill, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why didn't the little boy have arms or legs? Because they were savagely ripped off of him by a black bear on a very unfortunate camping trip.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

My friend Keith found a worm in his apple. He ate it anyways

thumb_up thumb_down -28

In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

i just got pulled over by a cop. he asked me if i had been drinking, i said no. he asked me to step out of my car so he could look inside i looked nervous, and had no other choice to step out. he knew there was something in there he looked in and saw it THE REFRIDGERATOR

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Daddy look! Roses! No son, those are rhododendrons... Daddy how do you spell rhododendrons? Uh... never mind son those are roses. So... Daddy how do you spell roses? Son, never mind that is a dog. So daddy how do you spell... SHUT UP! Moral: I put a spell on you.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A black man is in line for a club. The bouncer says: This is a white party only. The black man says: Damn, I wasnt aware I had to wear white clothing. He then left the line and told himself to check the promotional page on facebook more often.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Yo mama is so fat, she just had a heart-attack.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Me and my friend wanted to burn some calories so we found a fat kid and lit him on fire!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Billy was so silly that he named his pet zebra Spot.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How do you attach a nipple tassle to a purple honey badger? Refridgerator

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's the humor in an elevator? Me jumping up and down yelling we r all gonna die.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Bigfoot, Santa, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde all jump off of a cliff. They all reach terminal velocity and at impact at the same time. However, no one really cares.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Your mom is so stupid she has to get homeschooled for college!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Chuck Norris." "Chuck Norris who?" "NOBODY SAYS 'CHUCK NORRIS WHO'!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what should you say when your mates nan is in hospital with a broken leg??? ha ha my nan can stand up shes just genetically better

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's big and juicy and liked to be sucked by women? A penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What do you call a Mexican in a kitchen? A chef.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

roses are red violets are blue no seriously they are

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What are 3 skills black people have that they use for basketball? Great hand eye co-ordination, communication and encouragement.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Q Whats the difference between a pich fork with watermelons and a pitch for with dead babies stuck on. A The pitchfork with the dead babies were severly shot in the kidneys and then the heart. Blake

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's hiding in Redfoo (from LMFAO)'s afro? Nobody knows...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops